Animals: Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

By Anonymous - 26/06/2016 12:22 - Australia - West End

Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 500

You deserved it 5 519

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Hungry boi

By jesstracy - 04/10/2017 09:00 - United States - Naperville

Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 911

You deserved it 1 214

By BrokenVow - 30/07/2009 12:02 - Canada

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 981

You deserved it 53 800

Oh no.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 379

You deserved it 1 666

Doggy dog world

By FidoForever - 20/06/2017 22:00

Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 948

You deserved it 630

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 731

You deserved it 15 209

By Cedar Buero - 05/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, my dog thought it would be a good idea to use my phone as a chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 402

You deserved it 685

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 210

You deserved it 26 151

By Lilah - 19/02/2012 00:29 - Canada

Today, I was showing off my sexy new lingerie set to my boyfriend. While we were getting frisky, he got really into things and ripped it completely off my body, destroying it. It cost me $110. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 909

You deserved it 19 541

Old prude

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 22:00

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 303

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 19:44 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 903

You deserved it 4 519

melaniaeviania 7

Monday 27 June 2016 1:30

Dang that's an expensive *****!

Tripartita 44

Monday 27 June 2016 1:29

Hello magical vibrating dog!

Comments

allforfun 23

Tuesday 28 June 2016 5:26

You don't need a new *****, you just need a jar of peanut butter.

vealdin 7

Tuesday 28 June 2016 5:54

Just, why.

JayBug6 9

Tuesday 28 June 2016 8:52

I don't know if it's more sad that your dog ate your *****, or that your ***** is your sex life?

rattyrayvn 21

Tuesday 28 June 2016 10:01

Cucumbers are pretty cheap.

timelord5248 5

Tuesday 28 June 2016 19:36

Was it a weiner dog?

GildedFlame 3

Tuesday 28 June 2016 21:20

so technically, "bitch eats a massive ****"

Zerowolfbane 2

Tuesday 28 June 2016 22:35

where the hell do you but a $120 ***** from?!

MyS3lf 24

Wednesday 29 June 2016 15:28

No offense, but if you're spending $120 on a *****, I think you already said goodbye to your sex life. Definitely FYL.

WolfyCubb 8

Wednesday 29 June 2016 20:22

I know if any of my pets got a hold of my We-Vibes, I'd be pissed. Sorry that happened to ya, OP.

Carsick_Karate 5

Thursday 30 June 2016 20:11

$120 for a *****?!

Keywords

TV shows Miscellaneous Work Awkward Coworkers Politics Transportation Ironic Embarrassing Relatable Social Media Instagram Parenting Shopping AITA Am I overreacting? Jealousy Love Kids Pranks Dogs Friends Housework Cars Porn Technology Sports Health Accident Mental health

The Top

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 549

You deserved it 7 856

Today, I lost yet another girlfriend because my ex tells every girl I go out with that I cheated on her. She DMs them screenshots of what I did. I know I’m no saint, but all that was 6 months ago, and it was an accident. I can’t change the past, but I can be sorry for what I did. I just can’t win in this situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 1 065

The Top

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 084

You deserved it 3 982

Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 217

You deserved it 1 602

Today, I was sitting in a park with a friend when a small child approached us. Just as I moved off the bridge to let the kid play, he asked if I'd like to play as the troll under the bridge. I laughed and said, "No thanks!" to which the kid responded, "But there's nobody else ugly enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 354

You deserved it 4 380

Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 200

You deserved it 22 941

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 257

You deserved it 3 600

Today, I was working the cash register. While helping a customer with her groceries, my bra snapped. I then had to ask my male boss if I could staple it back together. Thirty minutes later it snapped again. I then had to explain to my boss that I was too broke to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 221

You deserved it 2 506