Animals: Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip...

By g'day cunt - 26/08/2012 18:27 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip split open. Twenty minutes later, I unthinkingly sprayed perfume directly into the wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 643

You deserved it 28 879

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 950

You deserved it 1 097

Yucky!

By theapplesleader - 23/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 3 826

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 165

You deserved it 9 126

By aaalias34 - 26/02/2010 11:13 - United States

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 996

You deserved it 8 456

By Addicted2FML303 - 06/12/2010 22:50 - United States

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 773

You deserved it 5 265

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 366

You deserved it 35 763

It's a doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was bathing my dog at a self-serve dog wash at a pet store. The person next to me decided to express his dog's anal glands, and the vile, greasy, fish-smelling liquid hit me on the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 301

You deserved it 165

By WhyMe - 27/11/2018 17:30

Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 481

You deserved it 314

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 443

You deserved it 9 333

Oh gosh

By Anonymous - 16/02/2020 14:00

Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 690

Futacy 29

Monday 27 August 2012 3:09

Wait.. you spray perfume in your mouth?

Kgirl2cute 6

Monday 27 August 2012 3:10

But why would you ever spray perfume directly at your mouth?

Comments

mangoqueen 8

Monday 27 August 2012 3:16

My guess is she sprayed perfume in the air and walked through it.

jer862 3

Monday 27 August 2012 4:43

Then that's not directly on it

charlieisawesome 4

Monday 27 August 2012 7:00

That's how I do it

DocBastard 38

Monday 27 August 2012 3:17

Here's a free tip - Don't let your dog watch any more mixed martial arts bouts. He may hit you with something even more devastating next time.

KiRaKaT 9

Monday 27 August 2012 3:26

All I can imagine now is a dog dressed like hong kong phooey and doing a spinning kick....

Chill_Turtle95 3

Monday 27 August 2012 18:36

LOL! That totally made my day.

VooDooCarrie91 19

Monday 27 August 2012 3:17

Solution?: drink a gallon of lemonade and then put salt lipstick on. Problem solved

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Monday 27 August 2012 3:29

While she's at it, she may as well walk down a boulevard of glass barefoot.

SystemofaBlink41 27

Monday 27 August 2012 4:54

56- *shudders intensely* jesus man this is gonna give me nightmares...

theluckyones 10

Monday 27 August 2012 7:08

72. Your name is amazing! And this thread gives me the Skeeves

FarSide 22

Monday 27 August 2012 3:29

I guess it's lucky you didn't "unthinkingly" spray roach killer in your face.

zandalee 19

Monday 27 August 2012 3:55

Is that what you did? Damn!

kayliers 5

Monday 27 August 2012 3:29

Um... At least you smell good?

graffitied_love 20

Monday 27 August 2012 3:29

Don't you hate it when you get hand sanitizer in an open wound? That would be more painful than the perfume, but why would you out germ-x on your mouth? Or maybe the better question is why perfume your mouth?

RealTalk0 7

Monday 27 August 2012 3:29

Lol so you spray perfume directly onto your lip?

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Monday 27 August 2012 3:37

I might have sympathy if you didn't spray perfume into your mouth, period. They make perfume candy, if you want fruity breath all that bad. It's called something along the lines of "Violets" I think.

charlieisawesome 4

Monday 27 August 2012 7:02

why does everyone think they sprayed perfume directly on their mouth?? It was obviously an accident... Unless their completely idiotic but I think not

theluckyones 10

Monday 27 August 2012 7:19

I sometimes spray my hair with body spray and sometimes get the front of my face, not directly causing injury But its still possible that she did the same and is just exaggerating.