Animals: Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip...

By g'day cunt - 26/08/2012 18:27 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip split open. Twenty minutes later, I unthinkingly sprayed perfume directly into the wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 643

You deserved it 28 879

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 950

You deserved it 1 097

Yucky!

By theapplesleader - 23/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 3 826

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 165

You deserved it 9 126

By aaalias34 - 26/02/2010 11:13 - United States

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 996

You deserved it 8 456

By Addicted2FML303 - 06/12/2010 22:50 - United States

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 773

You deserved it 5 265

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 366

You deserved it 35 763

It's a doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was bathing my dog at a self-serve dog wash at a pet store. The person next to me decided to express his dog's anal glands, and the vile, greasy, fish-smelling liquid hit me on the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 301

You deserved it 165

By WhyMe - 27/11/2018 17:30

Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 481

You deserved it 314

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 443

You deserved it 9 333

Oh gosh

By Anonymous - 16/02/2020 14:00

Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 690

Futacy 29

Monday 27 August 2012 3:09

Wait.. you spray perfume in your mouth?

Kgirl2cute 6

Monday 27 August 2012 3:10

But why would you ever spray perfume directly at your mouth?

Comments

lag_assassin84 1

Monday 27 August 2012 4:33

Must have had dog breath, shoulda used orbits gum

mrsquiggles6900 5

Monday 27 August 2012 7:00

For a good clean feeling. No matter what!

DinosaursAreCute 0

Monday 27 August 2012 4:49

Yes because when I get a wound I spray perfume in it

yscpunkchick 14

Monday 27 August 2012 5:25

I know it has already been asked but here it goes..... WHY THE **** WOULD YOU SPRAY PERFUME DIRECTLY AT YOUR MOUTH!?

kernal2005 3

Monday 27 August 2012 5:36

why are u spraying perfume there? UDI

SoultheWolf 19

Monday 27 August 2012 6:02

Why the **** would you put perfume anywhere near your face? It's suppost to go around the torso area. YDI

dstluke 7

Monday 27 August 2012 6:14

um.... yes. I believe you because everyone sprays perfume on their lips.

Kyle225 3

Monday 27 August 2012 6:49

Wha?..what? So you sprayed perfume in your mouth?

vtatran_fml 1

Monday 27 August 2012 6:59

Which lips...?!!!

GypsyRover 0

Monday 27 August 2012 17:34

Lmfao! By the dog! Golden comment,nice! :-)

zuzupetalsYO 11

Monday 27 August 2012 7:15

Your poor dog though..

Spottedfeather 7

Monday 27 August 2012 8:07

What idiot sprays perfume on their face ?

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I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 1 307

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

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You deserved it 8 069

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I agree, your life sucks 3 811

You deserved it 644

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 478

You deserved it 2 905

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument while driving home from visiting family. We pulled into a gas station, and I went inside to grab a drink and cool down. When I came back out, both car and boyfriend were nowhere in sight. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 962

You deserved it 5 710

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 684

You deserved it 3 453

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 681

You deserved it 9 394

Same thing different taste

Yucky!

It's a doggy dog world

Oh gosh

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