Intimacy: Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help...

By thewhompingwillow - 01/09/2012 17:56 - United States - Springfield

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 873

You deserved it 11 953

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Same thing different taste

By Whoopsie - 25/07/2018 05:00

Today, I had to call 911 and explain to the operator that my girlfriend orgasmed so hard she had a seizure and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 355

You deserved it 582

By Arden - 03/02/2019 20:00

Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 1 559

By what-the-what - 29/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 784

You deserved it 300

You wanker

By Jeremy - 10/05/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 303

You deserved it 87 312

Sixth sense

By fappy dog - 23/01/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 616

You deserved it 11 277

By trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 347

You deserved it 94 593

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 737

You deserved it 8 325

By 420curse - 05/05/2015 18:20 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 688

You deserved it 15 178

Toxic workplace

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 08:01

Today, I had a seizure for the first time in months. My fiancé went over to my job to let them know I wouldn't be going in. My boss bitched both of us because I didn't call myself. Sure, I'll get right on that when I'm conscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 81

Freakout

By nofunforme - 25/06/2019 12:00 - United States - Candler

Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 463

COOL__Coal 12

Sunday 2 September 2012 1:06

I think you may be doing it wrong.

loserboii 11

Sunday 2 September 2012 1:07

So your seizures & masturbations look the relatively similiar I assume¿

Comments

WhatTheDuess 1

Sunday 2 September 2012 19:50

Wait why the f*** are you masterbating with your dog

sin_cupcakes 0

Monday 3 September 2012 21:57

That's what I'm saying! Yuck!

bryan788 29

Monday 3 September 2012 7:43

That shit is funny, next time lock or close the door or wait until people are sleeping

wikedjest 0

Monday 3 September 2012 8:10

Hahahaha that's funny

taurusxdee 10

Monday 3 September 2012 8:17

Aww it's not his fault=[

Here4theshow 17

Monday 3 September 2012 10:33

That most of been some fancy way of masturbating if the dog thought you were having a seizure!

jlperry31 10

Monday 3 September 2012 11:08

Probably senses ur heart beat

TheHigherCloud 8

Monday 3 September 2012 14:01

Pretty ******* sad... But LOLOL. What was your excuse for that one?

sin_cupcakes 0

Monday 3 September 2012 21:55

Yuck! Why are u Masterbating in front of you dog?!

ChuckMcNugget 1

Monday 3 September 2012 23:33

I dont always ways save FMLs but when i do its probably cause u ****** up badly or was hillarious

noisebox 1

Tuesday 4 September 2012 20:52

I guess he hates it when you jerk off then pet him later...with the same hand...

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The Top

Today, I was on my way home from a friend's house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know I was on my way. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 075

You deserved it 6 726

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 886

You deserved it 61 114

The Top

Today, the lawn I've been devoting all my efforts to saving from a nasty grub infestation isn't going to make it, but apparently the grass I noticed growing in my gutters is doing just fine. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 11 223

You deserved it 933

Today, I got to work feeling slightly unwell. A couple of hours later, an extremely attractive customer came to my till, at which point my body decided it would be a good idea to vomit last night's dinner all over myself and the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 710

You deserved it 4 611

Today, I found out my boss likes to shit talk about me when I'm not around. The best part is that I don't know what I've done to piss him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 061

You deserved it 165

Today, my roommate finally moved out yesterday, so I got to experience my first night without the ticking time bomb that is his dogs. I still woke up at the exact time when they would always bark for no reason, apparently out of habit. For the record, that time is around 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 98

Today, I was notified that I've been going to the wrong courses for 4 weeks. A friend of mine was the only person to tell me that the administration had taken the privilege to change my courses. I have now failed 5 courses due to absences and have been suspended from college for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 665

You deserved it 5 390

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 381