Animals: Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because...

By foops - 02/02/2014 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 900

You deserved it 11 622

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Same thing different taste

Freakout

By nofunforme - 25/06/2019 12:00 - United States - Candler

Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 463

By Anonymous - 28/11/2016 06:34

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 416

You deserved it 1 582

By ohsnap - 22/01/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 840

You deserved it 5 748

Who's a good boy?

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 402

You deserved it 226

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 18:26 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 953

You deserved it 6 207

What was I thinking?

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 10:00 - United States - Okemos

Today, I realized that the only place my missing vibrator can be is at the house of the people I just dogsat for. In their spare room. Which also serves as their kids' playroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 721

By Miffy - 04/09/2018 23:00 - United States - San Augustine

Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 678

You deserved it 883

Sixth sense

By fappy dog - 23/01/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 616

You deserved it 11 277

By newlyneurotic - 03/09/2017 07:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I finally got the hearing aids that I've needed for years. My dog quickly learned that if he quietly sneaks up behind me and barks, it'll scare the hell out of me. It's now his favorite game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 089

You deserved it 357

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 07:37 - United States

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 553

You deserved it 15 034

Enslaved 36

Monday 3 February 2014 2:28

Or they thought it was a pussy purring?

colton_colton 49

Monday 3 February 2014 2:26

Maybe they're trying to tell you something

Comments

peanuty001 19

Monday 3 February 2014 3:41

at least you got a loyal dog

awilliams44 9

Monday 3 February 2014 3:43

oh my gosh. you say that so nonchalant

JMichael 25

Monday 3 February 2014 4:13

Do they by chance also bark at the door every time you **********?

greekk 21

Monday 3 February 2014 4:23

you sound like such a creep asking that...

Derpy_Fish 17

Monday 3 February 2014 7:21

He was referencing and earlier FML.

JMichael 25

Monday 3 February 2014 15:14

Thank you. At least someone paid attention.

greekk 21

Monday 3 February 2014 17:14

I'm referring to this and the earlier comment about "oh I'm sure they ruined the occasion" the two combined make it creepy.

fuggotmuggot 14

Monday 3 February 2014 17:19

That's funny cuz that was another fml. lol

mottomotto 9

Monday 3 February 2014 4:18

Dayammm... Must be some good ****!

buttcramp 21

Monday 3 February 2014 4:27

your comment is giving me a headache..

ocramavaf 15

Monday 3 February 2014 6:37

you look like harley Quinn

Robert1989 9

Monday 3 February 2014 4:25

wow that's ****** up.

noatak 6

Monday 3 February 2014 4:44

Interesting scenario.

SpankyRaven 31

Monday 3 February 2014 5:02

Tango by We-Vibe. Best $60 I ever spent. Practically silent.

Credibleskills 28

Monday 3 February 2014 5:08

Wow what a horndog! pun intended

frizz101 22

Monday 3 February 2014 5:17

How about not using a vibrator?

SuckMeBeautifu1 24

Monday 3 February 2014 6:02

43 How about STFU mummy's girl.

jimbo365xlm 3

Monday 3 February 2014 5:34

Try using one with batteries. Obviously urs plugs into the wall. Lmao.

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Poopoo peepee Gross Miscellaneous Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Sex Roommate Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 090

You deserved it 13 428

Today, I tried reaching out to a brand on Instagram, telling them I'm a rising influencer and would love a free sample of some of their products to review. They replied back with a laughing emoji and "You have 44 followers. Eat shit." Then they posted it on their story, with my name listed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 1 500

The Top

Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 003

You deserved it 2 896

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 904

You deserved it 3 962

Today, my kid threw a fit on our way home, wanting me to stop and call grandma. Why? Because she was convinced I was going to wreck the car, and grandma is a good driver who won't crash. When we got home, she stopped fussing, said, "Thank god, we're home," ran up to grandpa and said, "Mom's a scary driver." She's 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 378

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 484

You deserved it 5 002

Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 319

You deserved it 10 179

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 789

You deserved it 81 415