Intimacy: Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday....

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 23:18 - Canada

Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 681

You deserved it 38 537

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Same thing different taste

By assante2010 - 24/07/2011 00:09 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 357

You deserved it 6 885

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 23:45 - United States

Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 597

You deserved it 34 634

By Big B - 04/02/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 054

You deserved it 45 543

What a thoughtful gift

By Natsert99 - 08/12/2016 14:02 - United States - Deerfield

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 126

You deserved it 1 250

Grossed out

By ChePow - 20/08/2011 18:26 - Canada

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 517

You deserved it 6 529

Get out of here

By Cpt Colin - 03/01/2012 07:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 867

You deserved it 5 977

These boots are made for walking

By Anonymous - 08/03/2021 05:01

Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 356

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:16 - United States - Clermont

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 988

You deserved it 42 023

By sexyfreak2510 - 03/09/2009 06:47 - South Africa

Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 305

You deserved it 51 898

Night on the tiles

By obese_chicken - 06/11/2009 06:59 - Australia

Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 072

You deserved it 8 341

brennboo 3

Thursday 7 October 2010 9:07

haha win for the stripper :) she got paid to beat your ass hahaha

brennboo 3

Thursday 7 October 2010 9:09

I guess 5 bucks wasn't enough for her :)

Comments

MusicLover1o1_fml 0

Saturday 5 February 2011 18:14

Instead of 25 punches you got 25 ass whoppings. Sounds like your friends set you up. Sucks to be you.

TylersBoo 0

Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:30

YDI! Should have payed more :)

Luvmehateme292 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 9:53

EWWWWW!!!!!! You put that money in your MOUTH?!?!? GROSS!!! You don't know WHO'S touched that or WHAT they've been doing with their hands!!!

steelerzwoot 0

Saturday 16 April 2011 1:56

Sounds like a nice night haha

cheeseywesle 0

Sunday 14 August 2011 21:18

I see a retarded stripper lol

briannajm 9

Friday 20 January 2012 7:17

Hahahahah you know you liked it ;)

PamChopsWithMint 5

Saturday 18 August 2012 20:22

I find it more gross that you put paper money in your mouth.

Szaszaspasz 26

Friday 31 August 2012 18:52

Ouch!

Balthizaar 15

Thursday 26 February 2015 4:57

did this happen to be at the gentleman's club in brantford??

kittykat1501 31

Monday 15 June 2015 2:31

mowwow( cat for hi and for that's funny)

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Neighbours Wanker Lonely Halloween Party Love Jealousy Argument Fight Family Animals Cats Parents Sports Health Embarrassing Shopping Medication Birds Anger issues Weddings Pranks TikTok YouTube Cute Dogs Work AITA

The Top

Today, my wife hit a new level of clingy when she picked the lock on the bathroom door so she could sit with me while I shat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 73

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 430

You deserved it 3 084

The Top

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 843

You deserved it 1 300

Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a two-minute walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 316

You deserved it 2 621

Today, I am a silly man who thought I could still get in and out of the bath at 76 years-old, even though I have only had showers for the past 15 years. So, when I got stuck in the bath, I had to call my poor wife to come and help my naked ass stand up, and yes, she asked me to write this for laughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 124

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 645

You deserved it 30 346

Today, my boss bitched me out for accepting a fake £100 note. It was a genuine note, but he couldn't believed someone would actually use such a note at a KFC. When I protested, he took it further and deducted the “lost profits” from my pay. The man is an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 119

Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 115

You deserved it 3 472