Intimacy: Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either....

By butnotlikethat - 16/03/2013 00:05 - China - Nanchang

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 994

You deserved it 6 238

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Same thing different taste

Wisdom

By fiftyshardsofbroccoli - 26/10/2012 17:58 - United States

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 449

You deserved it 3 063

By Ohai - 16/01/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 580

You deserved it 3 075

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 13:31 - United States - Newberry

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 424

You deserved it 6 884

Mad beliefs

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 256

You deserved it 20 796

By ReallyMom - 09/01/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 696

You deserved it 5 204

By GrandmasWhore - 04/04/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 248

You deserved it 90 485

By poorlyparented - 16/06/2015 12:05 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 216

You deserved it 5 726

Advice time

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 10:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 147

You deserved it 2 274

Poor perfomance

By Anonymous - 04/08/2022 04:00

Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 633

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 208

You deserved it 4 187

Rosemary072098 11

Saturday 16 March 2013 5:31

Grandma knows what she's talking about ;)

BubbleGrunge 18

Saturday 16 March 2013 5:34

I think she's trying to teach you how NOT to gag.

Comments

EpicSquishii 21

Saturday 16 March 2013 5:43

Judging by your last sentence, it seems that she taught you well! Quick learner!

slooby_fml 25

Saturday 16 March 2013 5:44

Username win

MooseKnuckle5150 13

Saturday 16 March 2013 5:46

Kudos for the username.

kumonsucks 7

Saturday 16 March 2013 5:48

Get some sorbé cause you'll a clean pallet for this one. FYL

gc327072 30

Sunday 17 March 2013 17:06

"you'll a clean pallet…" ~Well kumonsucks, perhaps you should pay a bit more attention while there, eh?~

ksks1234 33

Saturday 16 March 2013 5:48

Has your grandmother's marriage lasted? If so, she knows what she is talking about.

kemando 22

Saturday 16 March 2013 5:50

Inb4 gag me jokes. ( or after)

SaturnV 25

Sunday 17 March 2013 15:49

After. OP got the first one of those with her username.

junkman6 22

Saturday 16 March 2013 5:52

A woman that can give amazing head is a girl who is never single. Look it up its facts. If you treat a man well and give good head well you're a married woman the second you want to be. Grandma is hooking you up.

noelasis94 18

Saturday 16 March 2013 5:58

Boomin granny came along to teach her lovely grand daughter about the birds and the bees, and the flowers, and getting on her knees. When grandmas here we always learn new things.

dandaman1457 7

Saturday 16 March 2013 6:04

Anybody else think of the grandma from Beerfest?

Enslaved 36

Saturday 16 March 2013 6:06

"Grandma, I'm glad we had this talk because **** confuses me! Why do I always watch the guys come all over the girls' faces when I know they rather keep it in the girls' mouths to swallow!? And why is there 20 cans of pineapple juice in your cupboard?"