Intimacy: Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service,...

By jackie89 - 10/08/2014 19:26 - United Kingdom - Redruth

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 602

You deserved it 7 460

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/06/2013 16:24 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 606

You deserved it 4 593

By Anonymous - 26/07/2009 17:00 - France

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 754

You deserved it 58 953

By ashlee - 31/08/2010 18:07 - United States

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 505

You deserved it 4 654

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 155

You deserved it 3 442

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 11:12 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 448

You deserved it 48 391

By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 20:59 - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 018

You deserved it 6 028

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 080

You deserved it 51 001

Mind your own beeswax

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 17:02

Today, I saw an employee showing off a picture on his phone. I couldn't quite see what it was and tried to inject myself in to the conversation. "Whatcha got there, a cow?" It wasn't. It was a photo of his wife, posing in her wedding dress for the first time since their wedding day several years and children ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 2 895

By perfectlybrokenx - 24/08/2010 04:21 - Canada

Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 796

You deserved it 52 194

Tattoos are for life

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 11:01

Today, my husband cried more at the funeral of his tattoo artist than he did at his grandmother's funeral. Seriously, at the artist's funeral, he was crying; at his grandmother's, he kept checking the time on his phone and yawning. What man did I marry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 368

Nymeria_fml 25

Monday 11 August 2014 0:31

*cough*Insensitive*cough* Oh, excuse my coffin.

theasian007 11

Monday 11 August 2014 0:33

I hope I'm not a bad person for thinking this would've been hilarious

Comments

rambleramble3 11

Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:04

Hahahaha that's actually pretty funny. Lighten up folks! A Good joke is a good joke

elevenseasons 9

Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:10

HAHAHA your husband is killing me! GET IT? "KILLING"!

The_Burrito_Guy 6

Wednesday 13 August 2014 5:11

At least you didn't burst our laughing

SandyToes 2

Wednesday 13 August 2014 7:06

Got to love a guy with a good sense of humor !

SparkyRoxYurSox 16

Wednesday 13 August 2014 7:45

Your husband is awesome!!

tbon3r 15

Wednesday 13 August 2014 8:09

maybe he thought you were funerable?

drica_17 11

Friday 15 August 2014 16:21

You've gotta give him credit where it's due, he owned that, albeit at the wrong time

wakenbake85 3

Monday 18 August 2014 20:31

when your not supposed to make a comment like that its always hilarious to people with sense of humor

Sierracole96 7

Friday 22 August 2014 22:53

...still pretty funny.. ?

LRSandTJB412 8

Tuesday 9 September 2014 9:08

Your husband sounds hilarious. :)

Keywords

Kids Money Health Work Christmas You're fired Customers Fat Bodyshaming Facebook Am I overreacting? Social Media Love AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Relatable Students Technology Education Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 087

You deserved it 2 489

Today, my mother and wife are arguing over raising our baby Catholic or Church of England. They’re mad at each other and as a bonus they’re both mad at me because I’m non-religious and genuinely don’t care which made-up religion they try to raise her in, I’m just enjoying being a dad over here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 163

The Top

Today, my mother in law basically said I deserve my breast cancer, all because I declined to take part in one of her "March Against Cancer" events a while ago. I guess donating money to cancer research instead of going on a meaningless march really messed up my karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 979

You deserved it 1 800

Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 022

You deserved it 1 669

Today, I get more pleasure out of scratching my balls than I do out of any sexual activity with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 919

You deserved it 3 100

Today, and for years, we keep getting offers for ultra high speed internet from the new fibre optic cables they put in. Whenever we ask the provider whether these cables are actually physically available at our address, they tell us they don’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 107

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 667

You deserved it 83 349

Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 756

You deserved it 3 379

Same thing different taste

Revealing

Mind your own beeswax

Tattoos are for life

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