where? all the ones worth going to are expensive. I've looked around.

Its not shit. I just told him that we need to do more stuff and communicate more. Hes too involved in the xbox. He says he told my mom because she helps us with our problems. When really he should be talking to me about them.

I love video games personally but I only play a few hours every week. That's because I have a lot of fun IRL with rugby, volunteering at a shelter, coaching, surfing, football nights, etc etc. Guys need outlets and if his only outlet is video games then thats probably a big part of the issue. Also just as a side note you women tend to get insanely jealous of video games and I have no idea why. I can spend all day with a girlfriend. Going to the beach, movies, dinner, a long walk. Then I want to hop on my computer and blow some stuff up and it's like I'm the worst person in the world and "always ignoring" them. So maybe take a step back and see if that's how you are.

OP, my husband is the same way. Yesterday he didn't get off the couch for over twelve hours (except for a bathroom break) because of an xbox game he is into right now. Problem is, we live with his mother and she always babies him and bitches me out when I try to get him to take breaks.

But why would he feel more comfterable talking to your mom about it? If it's his mom I might have said ok, so he needs to come out of his shell, but it's not his mom that he grew up with his entire life, it's your mom. He must have known you for longer then your mom, so why is he more comfterable with your mom instead of with you? If he hasn't been in a relationship before and needs extra advice, the fact that he goes to your mom should be awesome for you, especially if she's not taking side's but actually trying to solve it. The fact that he goes to your mom (who is playing neutral) shows that he wants an actual opinion of someone who wants to keep the 2 of you together. He could have also asked advice of someone who doesn't like you, of friends who just shrug and say 'That's a wife for ya.'. He went to your mother, a person who knows you intimately, who is probably on your side and has the life experience to give some decent advice. I get that you would like to keep your mother out of it and let him talk to you about it, but if you have opposing views then you somethimes want an outside opinion and if you've never been in a relationship and you have opposing views about how that relationship should go then you NEED an outside opinion. That you have had relationships before doesn't mean that you are automatically right, but having the most experience does make the one with the lesser experience doubt himself and look for other opinions. But that's already making a big assumption about the content of the arguments. If you don't like that that person he confides in is your mother, then maybe you should go to couple's therapy. You both get to have your say, he needs to communicate there and the therapist can give a neutral opinion and stop things before things get's heated up.

Maybe you should do what your mom does and just listen. Use it as a way to draw closer to each other. Some men don't know how to open up and it's not just an excuse. He obviously wants to fix it since he's talking with your mom. And I guess talking to your mom about it isn't the worst person to turn to. It's something he has to learn how to do and you are there to help him learn how.

But he's not "trying to fix it." He's whining to a third party about how this grown up marriage stuff is too difficult for him. And it's unfair to expect mum to play referee - no doubt she has her own things to be getting on with. I'm a little alarmed at all the comments that boil down to "it's your fault OP, if you were a better wife, he wouldn't act like this." Does her husband have no agency or responsibility of his own? No matter how much you love someone, you cannot take full responsibility for their happiness. By all means, analyse your own behaviour and make appropriate adjustments, but I can't help but feel that if OP is shamed into thinking "it must be my fault", that's hardly going to help matters. Going to therapy alone might actually encourage him to go, counter-intuitive as it seems - if he's reasonable, he'll realise that you're committed to making things better, and if he's unreasonable...well, there's a good chance he'll go along just to give his side of the story, rather than letting you hold the floor. And if he doesn't go at all, at least you'll get the benefit of an objective viewpoint and the chance to speak freely, without worrying whether you're going to set him off.

if it makes u feel better thats how my boyfriend is. he says he's never been in a real relationships he doesn't know what to do...i'm just like talk to me...like lovers do.... but in all seriousness write out how you feel and give it to him. tell him he doesn't have to write out something long or he can verbally respond, so that he feels comfortable and just so he knows you care. also its good to point out that you don't know whats going through his head so thats why he needs to talk. i always tell my BF that i want to know how his day is and what he's up to not because I'm stalkerish, but to get the convo going!

It takes two to make a relationship/marriage work. I don't think you're at fault at all OP, simply because I've had the same issue. When you're the only one putting effort in, it becomes one sided. And it definitely puts a lot of stress on you because you feel like you've done something wrong all the time. I'm sure maybe just sitting him down, no raised voices, calmly speaking, might help him warm up to communicating. Because if he really wants it to work with you, he's going to have to step up and realize he's at fault and that he needs to sit and talk through things with you. (Throwing this out there, I have barely read any other comments so excuse me if I repeat things others have said.) Personally, I think communication, trust, effort from both sides, and compromise are the four things a relationship needs in order to stay healthy. And I absolutely hate when I'm the only one working towards making a relationship work. OP I sincerely hope you can make it work with him, if you have to, I know its hard, but give him an ultimatum. If he really loves you and wants to make it work, he'll communicate and work with you. If not, I'd find someone who will. I'd hate to go through the rest of my life with someone that won't give me the time of day to talk through things and just get them fixed so I can be happy and healthy with them.

How so? It doesnt give any info out and maybe some people dont have anyone to vent to and they just want other opinions. Most of these comments have helped. Me and him both.

Because in my opinion this isn't the business of complete strangers. I get my opinion is unpopular but I just don't agree with venting to hundreds of strangers. I'd be pretty hurt if someone I was with posted about me in a negative context for the world to see rather than just talking to someone trusted, or myself directly. All the advice is roughly the same marriage consoling and finding what works for both people, I am sure someone you trust could have given the same advice. I just think it's rude, but personally as I mentioned I feel relationship stuff should should be kept private.

If you don't agree with venting to strangers, why are you here? Do you post this on all the other FMLs involving relationships?

Do you dare question the very nature of our haven!?

Marriage "consoler"? I do believe that it's spelled "counselor" there, dear. And if you have such a strong opinion about OP's FML, and are so against her postage of it (which, by the way, you can do nothing about at this point, so there's no use getting all haughty about it now), then why are you on this site? If not for posting about your personal problems to seek advice from neutral parties, then what is this site for? OP, I'm sorry you're having such trouble with your husband. I hope that the two of you can work things out and be able to communicate!

I wish I could downvote this several times. Your unpopular opinion doesn't belong here. Your UNPOPULAR opinion is rather ironic. You come here, make an account on FML, to read all the personal posts of things that happen in people's lives. Then you choose to scrutinize people FOR posting an FML about their life. Why are you here? Seriously? What is your purpose on FML if that is your honest opinion? OP posted an FML about something going on in their life, which is what this site was MADE for. I don't believe you belong here.

Thankyou!

Would seeing a therapist just for me make things worse? I tried hinting to him that we should talk to a marriage counselor and he freaks.

Well perhaps you can visit one individually first and share with him some of your experiences with the therapist. That mayyyy encourage him to try but there's no guarantee that he will, you can't force him. BUT, I think you at least need a sounding board and if you can get counseling it is going to help you feel better. With or without him. You will be alright.

OP, I would take 80's advice about depression. I can only speak from my own experience, but I realised that I had to do something about my low mood when any kind of choice or decision made me panic. I actively resented being asked any kind of question - not even in the context of an argument, just simple things like "What are your plans for the day?" It honestly made me feel like the other person was out to get me when they were doing no such thing. That sounds a little like what your husband's doing: "don't talk to me, don't ask anything of me, it's too much, just go away!" If this kind of behaviour is forming a pattern, tell him you're concerned and just want to rule it out as a possibility. I know the NHS (in the UK) has a questionnaire online that's extremely similar (if not the same) as the one they use to diagnose depression. Ask him to have a look at it - if there IS some kind of mental health issue, maybe looking at the questionnaire will be the nudge he needs to see a doctor.