Intimacy: Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our...

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 365

You deserved it 1 522

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Same thing different taste

By TheMissMuffly - 31/07/2012 15:53 - United States - Monmouth

Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 832

You deserved it 53 158

By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 129

You deserved it 3 895

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 286

You deserved it 30 208

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 124

You deserved it 4 859

By Anonymous - 09/04/2015 15:10 - United States

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 657

You deserved it 3 870

By ShitHappens - 24/10/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 566

You deserved it 44 721

By public pooper - 25/04/2013 00:16 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 398

You deserved it 15 240

By Cow_girl_cutie - 03/08/2011 07:47 - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. He continued to tell me how he had to piss. We carried on this conversation for about 10 minutes, then I realized that was the most interesting conversation I have had with him in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 358

You deserved it 6 249

By anony - 27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 722

You deserved it 6 693

Romance

By shortyybrooke - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 715

You deserved it 535

kyu_Q 19

Wednesday 3 August 2016 13:00

when you have to go, you have to go

PackardBell_fml 19

Wednesday 3 August 2016 13:01

Try waiting until a better time when he isn't in bed. He may have not been in the mood at the time.

Comments

joeyl2008 29

Wednesday 3 August 2016 20:35

Today, I found out that my itchy butt hole was actually a symptom of prostate cancer.

ABlindMan 17

Wednesday 3 August 2016 21:42

Yeah dump the husband. Good pun, totally fitting for the situation.

acky2lum 7

Thursday 4 August 2016 2:40

Your husband likes to... ... talk dirty... *put sunglasses on* I'll show myself out...

manuwish 9

Thursday 4 August 2016 11:44

now that was dirty talk..haha don't take it too hard OP, at least he has the decency of waiting to take his dump :) so your sexy feelings lack synchronicity, try watching **** together or have a sexy getaway or sth ;)

N7Com 7

Thursday 4 August 2016 14:46

best thing to do is communicate how you feel.. he wouldnt have an indication from your brain that thats what you were doing unless you explain it to him and even then you have to be in the mood.. but you cant be disappointed when spontaneity goes not according to plan

Bearsmomma 30

Friday 5 August 2016 10:12

All of that was actually covered already. They had a full conversation about missing the fun of sexting. That was "comunicating how you feel". Then she sent a text "telling him what she was doing" which means mind reading would be unnecessary for him. Also, she CAN be "disappointed when things don't go according to plan". It isn't fair to dismiss or disallow anyone's emotions.

Tannasgh 22

Thursday 4 August 2016 16:12

Romantic....

PANDORUM89 21

Friday 5 August 2016 5:52

I've found that if you don't send the dude enough to make him go "hurr durr she's sexting me" then they don't read it in that manner. I've sent my guy one liners before and it zooms so fast over his head. total mood killer. but sometimes I'll send like 4-5 sentences at once and then it sinks in.