Love: Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he... - FML

By Maiar - 13/01/2015 17:42 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he uses my makeup sponge to apply his hemorrhoid cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 652

You deserved it 4 276

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

By nicole - 22/09/2011 10:31 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 400

You deserved it 5 429

By Toothy - 02/04/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 988

You deserved it 50 054

By Anonymous - 02/02/2012 20:56 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that he purposely makes me angry, because when I'm angry, I clean, and it saves him having to do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 465

You deserved it 6 376

By smf_ds - 31/07/2015 20:48 - Portugal - Rebordosa

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 075

You deserved it 2 225

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 452

You deserved it 12 346

This is us

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 19:59

Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 465

Itchy butt

By peachezthelette - 27/12/2020 19:58

Today, while at work, I had to explain over the phone to my 33-year-old boyfriend how to use Preparation H. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 116

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 933

You deserved it 6 529

Itchy and scratchy

By Anonymous - 04/02/2024 21:00

Today, I finally forced my husband to go to the doctor's for his chronically itchy arsehole, which he scratches in his sleep, and ends up bleeding all over the sheets. Turns out it’s a fungal infection. Now he has to apply a cream twice a day, which isn’t fun to watch when he does it in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 159

By finalfantasy - 21/06/2018 17:30 - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 853

You deserved it 267

Next

Top comments

lvg_fml 10

Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:08

How old is this man? He needs to learn how to communicate appropriately

harrison99 4

Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:10

Hope you too MAKE UP! All crappy puns aside I'm sorry about that :(

Comments

BoredDownUnder 11

Wednesday 14 January 2015 6:17

At least it'll reduce the bags under your eyes...

FeelingIT 10

Wednesday 14 January 2015 6:21

If you removed the butt germs from the equation, this wouldn't be so bad; hemorrhoid cream is frequently used by makeup artists to reduce swelling in places such as the under-eye area. The more you know...

FeelingIT 10

Wednesday 14 January 2015 6:24

Sorry for the repetition!! Dang, gotta look before I leap!

thejonac 21

Wednesday 14 January 2015 8:17

that was really low

Royal_Society 5

Wednesday 14 January 2015 9:06

omfg thts ****** up I'm so sorry tht he does tht you deserve better. Tht was very immature of him.

clair_brodie 35

Wednesday 14 January 2015 9:17

They say it is good for preventing under eye bags and wrinkles so in reality he is actually helping you =)

KrDizzy 16

Wednesday 14 January 2015 15:06

Stick his toothbrush up your ass.

Badkarma4u 17

Wednesday 14 January 2015 16:07

No, dont be passive ageessive, just walk up to him grab him by his dangly bits and tell him if he ever does that again hes going to know what bubble wrap feels like.

Badkarma4u 17

Wednesday 14 January 2015 16:10

No dont be passive agressive. Simply walk up, grab him by his dangly bits and tell him if he ever does that again he's going to know what bubble wrap feels like

shitcreeksurvr 13

Wednesday 14 January 2015 15:28

You didn't notice your sponge smelled like ass?

Badkarma4u 17

Wednesday 14 January 2015 15:48

Thats way too passive agressive. Not a very manly way to handle a problem. He sounds like a wuss. Sorry op.

thetancarkid 8

Wednesday 14 January 2015 17:04

Wow now that is childish

DrHothead 15

Wednesday 14 January 2015 17:49

Shitfaced

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The Top

Today, I mistook a stranger in a supermarket aisle for an old friend and gave them a big bear hug from behind. Turns out, my "friend" was just now a very confused man in a very similar, but oddly specific jacket that I thought my actual friend had claimed he made himself. Guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 353

Today, I was working my job checking people in at the gym. A sweaty, chubby woman came up to me complaining about how our staff seems so fit. I replied, "We like to hire people who have bodies that motivate our clients!" She gave a blank stare, then said, "So how did you get the job?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 926

You deserved it 15 103

The Top

Today, during my second day as a receptionist, every time the phone rang I jumped in shock. My co-workers now already think I'm weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 623

You deserved it 28 006

Today, I went to get my midterm essay grade thinking I couldn't have made lower than a B. Got to class and my douchebag professor gave me an F. He wrote "Best essay I read, would've been an A if it was the right topic." I wrote on the Industrial Revolution, instead of the Scientific Revolution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 828

You deserved it 87 574

Today, my co-worker received a $1,000 bonus for a project that I do all the work on. My direct supervisor thought that I was an assistant. I send him an e-mail copy of the project every week, and have done so for the past six months. I was later reprimanded for not congratulating my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 036

You deserved it 116

Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 101

Today, my uncle asked me to act as a bodyguard in a video he was making. I put on the shades and suit while he was saying his message to the camera. I was laughing so hard internally that I ended up farting so loud throughout the entire video. We had to shoot the video five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 905

You deserved it 2 883

Today, I ran into a former co-worker who I hadn't seen in years. She was raving at how I hadn't aged a bit, but before I could thank her she said, "But, you know, chubby people age better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 884

You deserved it 3 695