By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 18:28 - United States

Spicy
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
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You deserved it 7 372
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Same thing different taste

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Top comments

ElementaryEdGuy 18

How about, "Take a shower or you'll never get that thing touched again?"

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Comments

xgetxbentx 13

Ummm gross, his penis shouldn't be anywhere near you if his personal hygiene is that bad. Time to cut him off until he starts showering regularly.

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AlexiAwesome 10

Maybe bribe him with a ******* for a shower

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thehonestone10 5

Ok all jokes aside, there are two serious problems in the relationship: You, and him. Neither of you are willing to do what it takes to make the relationship work and make the other one happy. He's not wanting to shower so you aren't grossed out, and you aren't wanting to give him ******** or sexually satisfy him. Now nobody has any way of knowing whether the chicken or the egg came first- meaning, whether it was your prudeness that made him not bother showering (he may have thought "well f*ck it if im not getting laid from my wife of all people, then f*ck showering") ................. and on the other hand, you may have thought "if my husband is too lazy to even hop in the shower, then f*ck giving him a bj or any kind of sex cuz he stinks and that's dirty". Instead of playing the blame game, you both need to sit down and have a talk. It should go like this: You- "honey, you want sex and bj's right? You probably feel like we haven't done enough of that lately?" Him- "Yes, exactly" You- (always phrase it as good news, don't come across bitter or nagging.) Be like "Ok well I have good news, I still feel the same way about you obviously, I'm still turned on by you, the only reason I haven't wanted to do as much lately is cuz, well..... your natural body odor smells good, like your skin, but when you don't shower you stink- because everybody stinks when they don't shower. I'll make you a deal. If you start showering DAILY, we can start having sex DAILY or at least every couple days. Is that fair?" Chances are, he will happily agree and you both will be a step closer to that happiness you had back in the honeymoon phase :) trust me he'll agree I'm a guy

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iwadasn 32

I don't think there's anything wrong with refusing to have sex with someone who hasn't showered in WEEKS.

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Raum 19

OP is the problem because she "isn't willing to give ********"? Go to hell. For one thing, there's nothing unusual about not wanting to be intimate with someone who hasn't bathed in two weeks. Secondly, a lot of women don't like giving ********, but that's not the only way to meet sexual needs (not that a woman is obligated to give her husband sex). Where in the FML does it imply that OP isn't willing to engage in other forms of intimacy (when her husband is clean)?

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stanjohnson 11

Just curious, for no particular reason, did it work?

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northernlass 7

"A ******** for a shower, honey? How about, if you don't shower I'll lock you out of the house and spray your nasty ass with a hose - AFTER I call the cops and tell them there's a dripping wet man on my front lawn." See - negotiations can go both ways.

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cmoney408 6

i hope you negotiated shower before BJ!!!!!

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josiem 11

That's when you tell him that he won't get a BJ if he •doesn't• shower.

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