Kids: Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played... - FML

By Cody - 19/07/2010 13:59 - United States

Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played the Rocky theme song on the stereo, and the other came up to me and said, "Daddy, let's go. We need you to drop about 15 pounds before you appear in front of all of our friends at our play." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 800

You deserved it 8 049

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Same thing different taste

By Anon - 08/04/2016 22:28 - United States - Omaha

Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked me up and down and said, "Well, you've got a looooong way to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 247

You deserved it 1 973

Out of the mouth of babes...

By DEE - 26/07/2018 15:00

Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 776

You deserved it 479

Restrictions

By TheHam - 05/09/2019 18:00 - Sweden

Today, the school called my dad telling him they want to put me on a diet, because they're worried about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 630

By Fatty - 27/12/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 500

You deserved it 4 176

Keeping up appearances

By vanessax - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Crown Point

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 557

You deserved it 23 437

Classic Mom moment

By me - 28/06/2013 15:51 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 625

You deserved it 4 049

By Fatty1970 - 23/05/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 952

You deserved it 19 831

By embarassed - 20/03/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 041

You deserved it 10 509

By kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 536

You deserved it 11 128

By mattlikesfunions - 18/07/2016 18:56 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 747

You deserved it 1 236

Next

Top comments

The_MMH 0

Monday 19 July 2010 19:05

Then loose some weight. Dó it for your kids.

CallMeHush 0

Monday 19 July 2010 19:05

awwwww, that is so cute. No more twinkees for you for a while tubby.

Comments

lotrdinonerd 2

Monday 4 July 2011 0:44

your gonna need a montage

JohnnyScene 7

Wednesday 1 February 2012 21:37

i heard the P90X does wonders.

Plastic_Stitchez 25

Monday 29 December 2014 16:10

Hahaha if they are gonna go through that much effort then try to do it for them

fantasyworld 37

Monday 29 June 2015 3:23

How old are they?

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight

The Top

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 981

You deserved it 9 781

Today, I got into an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling me enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 670

You deserved it 4 364

The Top

Today, I had to listen to my mom telling me my paternal grandmother had to tell he my step-grandfather has a small uncut dick, but big balls. I could've gone my whole life not knowing that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 330

Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 843

You deserved it 1 900

Today, while feeling really ill, I pumped myself full of caffeine so that I'd be ready to run an online gaming session. I managed to maintain until I realized one of the players hadn't responded for two hours. She went AFK without telling anyone, holding up progress, for the 4th time. I don't know why I bother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 398

Today, while I was fitting an elderly gentleman for a suit, he muttered all too loudly that he'd give his left nut for a reacharound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 013

You deserved it 1 428

Today, I found out I'm three weeks pregnant with a guy I've been dating for a month. I'm on the pill and we even used a condom. This baby must be some kind of superhuman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 823

You deserved it 916

Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 329

You deserved it 4 202