Miscellaneous: Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I...

By pasquale - 20/09/2014 06:54 - Australia - Parramatta

Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 045

You deserved it 5 631

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Same thing different taste

By Laura - 11/03/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 567

You deserved it 4 607

By MereLewis95 - 26/10/2011 08:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 455

You deserved it 4 533

By Anonymous - 16/06/2017 06:00 - United States - North Olmsted

Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 811

You deserved it 389

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 20:03

Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 181

By emeraldarcher74 - 19/11/2016 18:34 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 265

You deserved it 1 343

Barred for life

By tariel - 22/05/2018 21:08

Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 243

You deserved it 418

By ZeroApostle4Ever - 23/02/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 077

You deserved it 6 604

Hank Pecker

By Anonymous - 19/06/2013 15:29 - United States - Richmond

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 160

You deserved it 3 616

Sabotage!

By WTF - 12/10/2012 23:00 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 940

You deserved it 1 686

By cl3v3l4nd5t34m3r - 04/06/2012 20:34 - United States - Geneva

Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 887

You deserved it 4 494

dimerneckel 22

Saturday 20 September 2014 19:32

Her emotions were all scrambled up!

buckdharma 36

Saturday 20 September 2014 19:40

It could have been worse. You could have came home 5 months late, and she hits you with a chicken.

Comments

DoomSkuller 28

Saturday 20 September 2014 20:04

Is she a ninja?

emmsies 16

Saturday 20 September 2014 20:07

Wow...sorry but lol...I guess she was having some scrambled emotions ?

RedPillSucks 31

Saturday 20 September 2014 20:08

Stop eggs-aggerating

tool3rdeye 7

Saturday 20 September 2014 20:12

I said over easy!!!

Jameslikesguys 13

Saturday 20 September 2014 20:18

Sounds like you didn't have a eggtastic night! Get it? no...ok I'm sorry.

MrDonSalvetti 27

Saturday 20 September 2014 20:26

Oh boy, that escalated quickly...O.o

I'madumbass 19

Thursday 19 October 2017 7:53

Eggscalated quickly you mean? These puns are great!

arielleK 10

Saturday 20 September 2014 20:27

That's really intense

TheLadyOpal 30

Saturday 20 September 2014 20:46

At least it was just the egg and not the frying pan too.

mister_icicle 17

Saturday 20 September 2014 20:54

Is that authoritative or punk rock? 5 minutes late vs. face egg Too hard to decide!

Scarylizard1798 23

Saturday 20 September 2014 21:08

5 minutes late means u r dead to a protective mother

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 43

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breastfeeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 432

You deserved it 21 173

The Top

Today, I've been broke for so long that I felt a pang of envy when a character in a movie said that that they'd bought a tiny cup from a gift shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 169

Today, after years of thinking I was weird for never being attracted to anyone, I realized that for the first time in my life I actually have a crush on someone. That 'someone' is my English teacher. He is 60. I am 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 258

You deserved it 13 270

Today, the eye doctor told me I only had 90% vision on my left eye, and asked if I wanted treatment. Not being terribly bothered by it, I asked what the treatment would consist of. "We'll stick a large needle in your eye, and pump in some medicine." I quickly wished him a pleasant day and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 204

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about the difference between the U.S. and Canada when she asked me if they have their own government. She wasn't sure if they were governed by the U.S. or if they didn't have a government at all. She's a 33-year-old college graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 551

You deserved it 2 625

Today, I had a photoshoot planned weeks ago, getting one of the last coveted spots. My boyfriend couldn’t even show up on time. It was a sunrise shoot. We arrived once the sun had been up for 25 mins already. He wondered "what the big deal is?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 211

Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 275

You deserved it 4 268