Miscellaneous: Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I...

By pasquale - 20/09/2014 06:54 - Australia - Parramatta

Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 045

You deserved it 5 631

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Same thing different taste

By Laura - 11/03/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 567

You deserved it 4 607

By MereLewis95 - 26/10/2011 08:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 455

You deserved it 4 533

By Anonymous - 16/06/2017 06:00 - United States - North Olmsted

Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 811

You deserved it 389

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 20:03

Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 181

By emeraldarcher74 - 19/11/2016 18:34 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 265

You deserved it 1 343

Barred for life

By tariel - 22/05/2018 21:08

Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 243

You deserved it 418

By ZeroApostle4Ever - 23/02/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 077

You deserved it 6 604

Hank Pecker

By Anonymous - 19/06/2013 15:29 - United States - Richmond

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 160

You deserved it 3 616

Sabotage!

By WTF - 12/10/2012 23:00 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 940

You deserved it 1 686

By cl3v3l4nd5t34m3r - 04/06/2012 20:34 - United States - Geneva

Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 887

You deserved it 4 494

dimerneckel 22

Saturday 20 September 2014 19:32

Her emotions were all scrambled up!

buckdharma 36

Saturday 20 September 2014 19:40

It could have been worse. You could have came home 5 months late, and she hits you with a chicken.

Comments

nurafifah 13

Sunday 21 September 2014 5:19

5 minutes and she threw an egg at you... Imagine if you an hour late..

candyolympics 17

Sunday 21 September 2014 6:40

HowtoBasic?

headofmedusa 15

Sunday 21 September 2014 12:49

Don't be late

danthehuman 29

Sunday 21 September 2014 15:13

*summons howtobasic*

Omniprism 14

Sunday 21 September 2014 17:48

I think your mom needs some help.

113421145311564 14

Sunday 21 September 2014 17:54

Out. Get out

ShekinahNicole 6

Sunday 21 September 2014 21:21

Well did you give her a good eggplanation?

thewife5 19

Sunday 21 September 2014 21:54

Don't be late.. She might run out of eggs one day.. Scary

InTheMagic 3

Tuesday 23 September 2014 9:32

Aha respect the rules next time

foxy_sunshine 8

Tuesday 23 September 2014 18:02

Well maybe next time you won't be so late....

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The Top

Today, as a teacher, I was grading some essays when I yet again came across the word "unalive" when discussing the assassinations of JFK and Abraham Lincoln. As in, "JFK was unalived." I know language inevitably mutates over time, but us teachers don't have demonetization filters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 76

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 443

You deserved it 3 015

The Top

Today, I found a banana peel on the clean floor. My 4-year-old son said that he was playing Spider-Man and trying to slip. I picked it up and while walking to the kitchen garbage can, slipped on the actual banana. I slid across the kitchen floor, fell, and bruised my tailbone. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 177

Today, I came home from out of state. I found out someone online had told my husband that the "fumes" from hot showers can be lethal. As a precaution, he removed the draft-blocking bathroom door to make sure it's "properly ventilated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 371

You deserved it 2 552

Today, someone started to scream at me that "I needed Jesus" and that "I would never be a real woman." When they realized I'm a guy with long hair, they got physically angry at me for "lying to them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 164

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 317

You deserved it 5 224

Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 381

You deserved it 807

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 790

You deserved it 3 196