Weird, Neighbours and Miscellaneous: Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because...

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By Vampprobs - 25/03/2014 01:52 - United States - Skandia

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 154

You deserved it 3 226

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/11/2012 18:14 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 798

You deserved it 2 376

Karen of the day

By Anonymous - 21/11/2024 06:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my ultra-Christian neighbor called the cops on me (again). This time, it was because she could smell "weed" coming from my apartment. I was burning sage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 113

Leave me alone

By MIB - 13/07/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 747

You deserved it 2 827

By Poopamus - 23/04/2019 14:00

Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 187

You deserved it 621

My window

By Anonymous - 20/05/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my new neighbour is delusional. She’s only lived next door 3 weeks and she’s called the police on me 11 times for “taking his bin out so he can look in my window”, “hanging out the washing so he can look in my window” and “barbecuing with his kids so he can look in my window.” Crazy bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 65

By Anonymous - 13/02/2015 20:24

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 013

You deserved it 2 231

By JubileeBee - 28/09/2011 10:46 - United States

Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 378

You deserved it 2 419

Private freakout

By emmy - 03/06/2022 00:00

Today, the neighbors called the cops on us because they heard a series of loud screams. No, no one was being murdered, but my mom found one of my socks in the laundry room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 195

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 07:13 - United States - Eagle Point

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 124

You deserved it 3 548

Asshats everywhere

By 404 justice not found - 21/04/2016 19:15 - United States - Whitehall

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 323

You deserved it 1 538

bigtaytay 13

Tuesday 25 March 2014 6:04

Tell him if he keeps it up your parents will eat him

minauto 15

Tuesday 25 March 2014 6:04

Act the part! Put on some fangs and a cape. You could have so much fun with your neighbor.

Comments

bluefrootloops 13

Tuesday 25 March 2014 6:55

I sleep in a coffin too, so dark quiet and comfy I don't know why more vampires don't do it. Most of us are all modern now kicking it in a human made bed.

validator 12

Tuesday 25 March 2014 6:56

Tell him you have a daylight ring and an immortal

knoxxx 22

Tuesday 25 March 2014 6:59

It sounds like OP is an adult who lives on their own and his or her parents are coming for a visit, not a kid waiting for his parents to come back home and take care of the situation.

Ihavegas 22

Tuesday 25 March 2014 7:17

tell them you are also allergic to pizza and beer. or perhaps you can milk it by demanding offering etc.

DrHail 22

Tuesday 25 March 2014 7:31

Buy a cape, wear some fake teeth and cringe at the garlic and hide from the sun. Also, wear as much black as possible. Then deny everything to the cops.