Intimacy: Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought...

By doodoobref - 31/07/2015 05:38 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 930

You deserved it 30 138

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Same thing different taste

Just a prank, bro

By sarah - 28/03/2021 20:00

Today, my parents wouldn't stop making fun of my shy bladder by camping out in front of the bathroom door while I’m trying to pee. As a result, I haven’t peed in 10 hours and my bladder is going to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 174

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 449

You deserved it 4 564

By Anonymous - 30/11/2016 10:48

Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 210

You deserved it 5 798

Get it on

By WentInABush - 15/11/2012 07:23 - United States - Portland

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 537

You deserved it 3 264

Bladdered

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 14:31 - India - Delhi

Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 1 370

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 655

You deserved it 37 996

Cool off

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 262

You deserved it 3 504

By rochellamaya - 02/09/2011 12:47 - Canada

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 324

You deserved it 4 280

Leave me alone

By emoflowers - 10/04/2012 02:51 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 529

You deserved it 3 342

By thewhompingwillow - 01/09/2012 17:56 - United States - Springfield

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 870

You deserved it 11 952

sarah5745 41

Friday 31 July 2015 18:29

Couldn't you have just confessed instead of wasting everybody's time?

cameron6731 13

Friday 31 July 2015 18:29

On the toilet? Get a new place to jack off.

Comments

randomcritic 14

Friday 31 July 2015 18:36

If it's so often that they notice you might want to choose a new spot or talk to someone about it if it's as often as every hour etc. (or you want to stop the frequency).

blcksocks 19

Friday 31 July 2015 18:38

I hope you get a grip on your problem and things come out alright for you, OP

Saxicolous 27

Friday 31 July 2015 18:38

You should probably just cum clean

hard_candy 25

Friday 31 July 2015 19:04

good one! made me snicker in my knickers lmao (god that was so bad I'm gonna get down voted)

olpally 32

Friday 31 July 2015 19:21

Both of these comments made me giggle. Hehehe. Lmao :P

ThePaperDragon 31

Friday 31 July 2015 18:40

Your parents didn't try asking you why you were going so often? Strange that they would jump to suspecting diabetes instead of something less serious.

Rkikkas9713 25

Friday 31 July 2015 18:42

No one ever asks any more, it's usually straight to WebMD. He probably has cancer or some form of diabetic cancer, it's always cancer on WebMD

hard_candy 25

Friday 31 July 2015 19:00

my dog is old and recently asks for excessive water intake this past year. my mom thinks she is diabetic.

fmlsams 27

Friday 31 July 2015 18:41

Couldn't you have just fessed up and saved your parents' money?

qdawg06 23

Friday 31 July 2015 18:43

Guessing that means you ********** way too much in a day then...

saymynamess 19

Friday 31 July 2015 18:51

Don't waste the investment , get a gf.

hard_candy 25

Friday 31 July 2015 18:58

holy shit highlight of my week, and yesterday was my birthday!!! FYI, consistent cumming can be painful for you after a while. good thing I got lady parts haha