Intimacy: Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought...

By doodoobref - 31/07/2015 05:38 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 930

You deserved it 30 138

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Just a prank, bro

By sarah - 28/03/2021 20:00

Today, my parents wouldn't stop making fun of my shy bladder by camping out in front of the bathroom door while I’m trying to pee. As a result, I haven’t peed in 10 hours and my bladder is going to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 174

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 449

You deserved it 4 564

By Anonymous - 30/11/2016 10:48

Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 210

You deserved it 5 798

Get it on

By WentInABush - 15/11/2012 07:23 - United States - Portland

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 537

You deserved it 3 264

Bladdered

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 14:31 - India - Delhi

Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 1 370

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 655

You deserved it 37 996

Cool off

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 262

You deserved it 3 504

By rochellamaya - 02/09/2011 12:47 - Canada

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 324

You deserved it 4 280

Leave me alone

By emoflowers - 10/04/2012 02:51 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 529

You deserved it 3 342

By thewhompingwillow - 01/09/2012 17:56 - United States - Springfield

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 870

You deserved it 11 952

sarah5745 41

Friday 31 July 2015 18:29

Couldn't you have just confessed instead of wasting everybody's time?

cameron6731 13

Friday 31 July 2015 18:29

On the toilet? Get a new place to jack off.

Comments

tiredofwaiting 25

Friday 31 July 2015 19:38

I am thinking maybe you should cut back a bit it is not good to do it too often.

FutureSurgeon 16

Friday 31 July 2015 19:38

At least they care enough to get you checked out. Having said that, people have needs, and it's a shame that the only privacy you can get is in your bathroom. Hopefully you were able to tell your doctor privately!

buckdharma 37

Friday 31 July 2015 19:39

The good news- You're not diabetic! :) The bad news- You have tennis elbow. :(

teddybear208 9

Friday 31 July 2015 19:46

lol

imhope 23

Friday 31 July 2015 19:51

Lmao YDI

teddybear208 9

Friday 31 July 2015 19:56

hahahaha

zadarose 2

Friday 31 July 2015 19:58

haha hilarious!!!

lvg_fml 10

Friday 31 July 2015 20:07

Don't you have a room

vikky538 28

Friday 31 July 2015 20:24

At this point OP would probably have confessed he has diabetes than he masturbates a lot.

PANDORUM89 21

Friday 31 July 2015 20:39

everyone is saying just confess but honestly how many of y'all would admit to doing that to your parents especially with how often OP seems to perform the act.