Miscellaneous: Today, my room-mates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag...

By kay51 - 24/11/2012 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my room-mates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 782

You deserved it 27 482

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Same thing different taste

Stacks

By Anonymous - 19/02/2024 05:00

Today, and since New Year's Day, my husband has instituted a lateness jar. I have to put £1 in every time my “pissing about getting ready makes us more than 10 minutes late.” I really tried to embarrass him with how empty it would be, but he counted it today. It’s only mid February and it’s already over £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 1 078

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 01:03 - United States

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 694

You deserved it 7 114

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 15:37 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 080

You deserved it 2 674

Gambling is harmful

By stink - 04/09/2010 00:11

Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 414

You deserved it 2 758

By adamclmns - 16/07/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 248

You deserved it 15 213

By idontbleedfromthere - 22/08/2012 23:10 - United States - Indio

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 972

You deserved it 2 183

By padre74 - 03/10/2016 17:31 - United States - Jackson

Today, after creating a swear jar for my son, I came back to find a $20 bill in it and him saying, "How much does that buy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 350

You deserved it 2 439

By Laura - 03/05/2012 07:55 - France

Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 341

You deserved it 2 604

By hate - 06/07/2017 11:58

Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 233

You deserved it 456

Cool nickname

By nearsighted-ut - 26/09/2019 02:00

Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 936

You deserved it 126

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Sunday 25 November 2012 2:33

New girl? Try not to be such a douche, brah.

ICastillo 24

Sunday 25 November 2012 2:37

Well don't say stupid things. YOLO and swag are douchey so stop saying them.

Comments

chameleon28 16

Sunday 25 November 2012 5:13

New Girl?

frottiejoy 7

Sunday 25 November 2012 5:34

being a natural douchebag cannot be helped

alphabetsoup25 4

Sunday 25 November 2012 5:34

People with british accents always sound so cute!

GhostChickens 17

Sunday 25 November 2012 16:05

I guarantee that you'd be able to find an accent from Britain that you couldn't stand if you tried. For me it's my own.

greatfirstdate 18

Sunday 25 November 2012 5:39

I don't give a shit what you say in the privacy in your own home. I clicked "you deserved it" because you actually agreed to this.

vbmg152 18

Sunday 25 November 2012 5:41

Don't open your mouth!

muhnuqqa15 9

Sunday 25 November 2012 6:07

new girl, haha. I love Schmidt. try not to be a douche!

aliciaanomalyyxo 12

Sunday 25 November 2012 6:14

Lmfao I love new girl :) Schmidt is the best

FallenVampire321 0

Sunday 25 November 2012 6:15

Ah, douchebag jar... you gatta love New Girl-and Schmidt. Just try to keep your mouth shut and everything will be okay

MrsAlexander83 10

Sunday 25 November 2012 6:21

Ohhhh I

hapy_pig098 13

Sunday 25 November 2012 6:36

One question who keeps the money ?¿?¿?

Keywords

Embarrassing Accident Work Health Relatable Love Annoying LGBTQIA+ AITA Inappropriate My ex Relationship advice Animals Cute Cats Friends Awkward Cars Transportation Dogs Scams Money Miscellaneous Kids Family Drugs Public freakouts Intimacy Sex Cheating

The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 438

You deserved it 15 020

Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 103

You deserved it 4 403

The Top

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 513

You deserved it 4 907

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 274

You deserved it 51 648

Today, I was on a 3-way call with my wife and the bank. The bank said we didn't qualify for school loans, which means I have to drop out. As soon as the bank hung up, my wife stayed on the line to tell me she wants a divorce and that she regrets our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 864

You deserved it 219

Today, I woke up early for work, put on my uniform, took two buses, and when I got there my boss laughed and reminded me that I was fired yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 842

You deserved it 1 857

Today, I had to wipe someone else's shit off the toilet seat for the third day in a row. We had a new staff member join our team three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 297

You deserved it 476

Today, I tried a DIY face mask that involved using turmeric spice. After keeping it on for 20 minutes, I tried washing it off, but I couldn't get rid of the orange residue it had left behind. Guess who's going to work tomorrow looking like an Oompa Loompa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 248

You deserved it 7 331

Same thing different taste

Stacks

Gambling is harmful

Cool nickname

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