Intimacy: Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond...

By possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 890

You deserved it 9 548

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Same thing different taste

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 737

You deserved it 761

Freaky

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 823

You deserved it 5 006

TMI, DUDE!

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 10:00

Today, it might be the day I ask my wife to peg me. Hope it goes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 1 266

Bigger than...

By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 503

You deserved it 520

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 14:01

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 293

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 879

You deserved it 20 819

Karma police

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 22:00

Today, six months after my wife convinced me to open our relationship, I finally scored with a lovely lady. My wife threw the biggest fit in history. Apparently, she just wanted to fuck other men and didn't think anyone would be interested in me, and now she feels inadequate and threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 859

You deserved it 345

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 275

You deserved it 4 944

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 923

You deserved it 68 184

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 561

You deserved it 6 958

A1BROS 4

Monday 23 June 2014 1:50

Sounds like a real pain in the ass.

itwasthedognotme 14

Monday 23 June 2014 1:49

Time to strap-on your seatbelt and drive far, far away..

Comments

celinadepp 21

Thursday 11 December 2014 19:56

Most women feel that way, too.

Ormolus 0

Sunday 4 January 2015 6:01

That does indeed sound terrifying.

mrwinky 2

Sunday 18 January 2015 3:51

You lucky bustard. I only wish.

GFP16 8

Tuesday 10 February 2015 19:11

Don't be!! Studies have shown that it feels good for men. Having the prostate stimulated is like the female g-spot

bassfisher100 23

Friday 6 March 2015 8:57

whip out the chastity belt

thescreecher223 7

Saturday 20 June 2015 20:11

Just one thing, three way.

Jerepasaurus 12

Thursday 24 September 2015 0:24

Oh my god, you poor man. RUN AWAY. lol That's not a thing anyone should buy without a discussion - particularly if married.

ad1836 19

Tuesday 24 November 2015 16:28

The name says it all

Teacatt 13

Wednesday 6 January 2016 8:40

Hope you've never ask her for anal, since your terrified of it yourself.

khaoticpanda 28

Tuesday 23 February 2016 6:40

This was stolen from reddit

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 126

You deserved it 13 555

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend breaking up with me. Not only was this a bit cowardly but he'd also sent it in a reply to our last interaction on our phones, a group chat with some of our friends, who started commenting with sad face emojis before I had even had the chance to see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, I got frustrated looking for jobs and decided to take a quiz on best-fitting careers. My results speak for themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 875

You deserved it 377

Today, I was putting the finishing touches on my portrait of a young boy in art class. I asked my teacher if she could help correct the bad parts of my portrait. She said, "Well that would take all day and I just don't have the time." She was serious. I thought this was my best work yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 48

Today, I fell asleep on the train, totally wiped out after last night's party, which involved lots of booze and spicy Indian food. I wake up and notice a small boy staring at me, so I smiled at him. He turned to his father and said, "Daddy, the farting man has just woken up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 018

You deserved it 9 380

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 167

You deserved it 30 334

Today, I noticed a customer looking for expired products in hopes of receiving a coupon from my store. I told them to let me know if they found anything. They promptly began following me around, telling me how to do my job, only to later file a complaint saying that I was harassing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 598

You deserved it 1 371

Today, I gave myself paper cuts on the sides of my mouth while licking the cover of a pudding cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 166

You deserved it 14 711