Sex, Sextoys and Intimacy: Freaky

Freaky

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 828

You deserved it 5 007

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Same thing different taste

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By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 176

You deserved it 575

By herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 022

You deserved it 11 617

By possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 894

You deserved it 9 551

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Erik Monkey - 27/04/2022 07:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my girlfriend finally showed me the porn she likes to watch. Amputees were involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 259

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By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 312

By Anonymous - 13/07/2011 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 742

You deserved it 8 517

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 205

You deserved it 3 765

Bigger than...

By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 506

You deserved it 521

By Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:49

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 938

You deserved it 3 570

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Chatham

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 379

You deserved it 3 435

rockr_chick 5

Friday 27 August 2010 16:32

its going to be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway

Smyth 3

Friday 27 August 2010 16:37

A forearm sized *****? She set herself up for disappointment with that one.

Comments

RajaRaja 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

hah

GrammerNazi1000 8

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

I suggest HOLY SHIT!!

lesliexhardcorex 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

oh god. hahahaha

Granddragon 0

Friday 27 August 2010 18:45

haha I know. I'm just hoping he has skinny forearms.

MarkSeattle 0

Friday 27 August 2010 20:32

lol. no kidding. even a super tiny guy forearm would be 10" long and at least 9" circumference towards the elbow.

hateplow 3

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

classy lady

swimmerstud 7

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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DeesFMLs 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:21

LOL

xxroseyxx 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:23

blahhh

DeeeXoxo 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:22

haha you have a crazy gf

Doopliss01 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

MrConfusion 21

Thursday 5 May 2016 5:38

Found the 10 year old!

nibbles101 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:22

loosey goosey :]

j5p332 6

Friday 27 August 2010 16:43

Indeed. Good luck throwin' your hot dog down her hallway..... or break in the backdoor...

Colecto_fml 26

Thursday 13 February 2014 16:42

After what we've heard, I don't think the backdoor would need any breaking in

swimmerstud 7

Friday 27 August 2010 16:23

I ment you not your. haha I wonder how floppy her ****** is?

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The Top

USA, USA, USA, and more precisely Philadelphia. That's where we're landing today. When I first discovered Justin, on 9gag or an awesome website like that, I knew exactly this little guy was perfect to fit in the FML illustrated section. His crazy, c...

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 8

Today, while sitting at a table in a coffee shop, I overheard someone on the next table talking about their horrible boss. I joined in, complaining about mine, and going into great detail about what an arsehole he can be. Turns out, I was talking to my boss's sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 651

The Top

Today, after a trip to see my doctor, I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year-old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 168

You deserved it 2 457

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 027

You deserved it 5 844

Today, while waiting for a bus, someone started smoking at the bus shelter, which is illegal in my city. I politely asked him to stop smoking, citing the city ordinance. He just cackled and said that if I'm so concerned about the state of my health, I should start by losing 90 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 631

You deserved it 39 149

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 874

You deserved it 8 249

Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 671

You deserved it 5 206

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was, "I farted." Well, at least they all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 076

You deserved it 8 697

Freaky

Same thing different taste

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No kinkshaming, but come on…

Show and tell

Bigger than...

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