Miscellaneous: Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/10/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 231

You deserved it 4 876

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 716

You deserved it 4 022

By :( - 31/07/2016 04:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 717

You deserved it 2 464

By Mel Ancholy - 18/02/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 352

You deserved it 8 217

By Alexa23 - 15/03/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 204

You deserved it 8 908

Thanks for that, dad!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2019 01:00

Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 475

You deserved it 256

TMI

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 21:59 - United States - Crystal City

Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 111

By strawberrykiwi62 - 11/06/2009 09:09 - Israel

Today, I found out that my extremely-flat chested cousin recently got a boob job. When my mom found out, she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!". Then she looks at me and tells me that I should get one. Everyone including my own mother thinks I should get a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 081

You deserved it 5 525

By joshinbaltimore - 22/03/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 089

You deserved it 25 594

By WishIWasAWriter - 08/09/2011 18:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 387

You deserved it 3 337

How kind...

By NoThanks - 11/05/2018 01:30

Today, despite my objections, a 50-year-old guy at a bar tried to convince me that my "biological clock is ticking" and that it was time to have kids, "before it's too late". He then offered his help in this noble endeavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 417

You deserved it 341

Next

Top comments

Malika_fml 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 2:03

wise man

Luckster 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 2:05

He's old enough to where his sexist remarks make sense. 70 years younger and I woulda bitch slapped him with my metal-decorated bike gloves on.

Comments

mrzero 0

Wednesday 14 October 2009 12:32

I guess he ment to say **** book

emilbaca 0

Wednesday 14 October 2009 22:31

You may want to get some self esteem too so that you don't have to take offense to what an old man says to you.

bayleesaije 0

Saturday 24 October 2009 2:06

you shouldnt be talking. maybe you shouldnt comment on someone elses self esteem, cuz if youre posting a comment like that.. what does that say about your self esteem? hmm.

plug_in_baby69 0

Wednesday 6 January 2010 1:52

LOL @ your sexist, son of a bitch neighbor

fuzz97 23

Friday 22 January 2010 7:06

The worst thing is, he's kinda right.

emo_fail_child 0

Monday 22 February 2010 10:44

how dies he know how your food taste :-O I'd be scared

OrlySauce 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 22:14

Ah, there is your flaw young grasshopper.

NekoHakase 0

Friday 12 November 2010 23:09

I'm in no way a chauvinist, but I do recommend cooking lessons and an awareness of one's anatomy and how to appeal it. Marilyn had a large rump and small *******, and Clara Bow was the biggest sex symbol in the county until she retired from movies, and her boobies barely broke A.

i_wuz_nver_here 31

Sunday 17 April 2011 22:11

And a new neighboor ;)

LilEinstein 0

Friday 22 April 2011 4:52

if an 86 year old man says it, it MUST be true... unless you're a guy... in that case, "thems is fightin words!"

9
10
11
12
13

Keywords

Love Party Lonely Awkward ADHD Transportation Cars Ironic Vacation Work Mental health Miscellaneous Grandparents Accident Health Covid Kids Annoying Shopping Cute Coworkers Animals Dogs Photography Art Videos Intimacy Sex Exhausted Money

The Top

Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 367

Today, I met one of my favorite webcomic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth, he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 498

You deserved it 7 808

The Top

Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 195

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having a BDSM theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 763

You deserved it 4 687

Today, while arriving at my best friend's wedding, I accidentally ran over her 2 dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 759

You deserved it 25 594

Today, I went on the first date of my life. I also burped during my first kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 188

You deserved it 7 961

Today, I’m so tired of being there for those who are not there for me. I have one car, you couldn’t pick me up from the mechanics so I wouldn’t need to sit there 6 hours? Yeah roomie, I’ll stop on way home to get your dog some chicken… FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 182

Today, my dad forbade me from playing or listening to Queen because Freddie Mercury was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 515