Miscellaneous: Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/10/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 231

You deserved it 4 876

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 716

You deserved it 4 022

By :( - 31/07/2016 04:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 717

You deserved it 2 464

By Mel Ancholy - 18/02/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 352

You deserved it 8 217

By Alexa23 - 15/03/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 204

You deserved it 8 908

Thanks for that, dad!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2019 01:00

Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 475

You deserved it 256

TMI

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 21:59 - United States - Crystal City

Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 111

By strawberrykiwi62 - 11/06/2009 09:09 - Israel

Today, I found out that my extremely-flat chested cousin recently got a boob job. When my mom found out, she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!". Then she looks at me and tells me that I should get one. Everyone including my own mother thinks I should get a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 081

You deserved it 5 525

By joshinbaltimore - 22/03/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 089

You deserved it 25 594

By WishIWasAWriter - 08/09/2011 18:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 387

You deserved it 3 337

How kind...

By NoThanks - 11/05/2018 01:30

Today, despite my objections, a 50-year-old guy at a bar tried to convince me that my "biological clock is ticking" and that it was time to have kids, "before it's too late". He then offered his help in this noble endeavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 417

You deserved it 341

Next

Top comments

Malika_fml 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 2:03

wise man

Luckster 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 2:05

He's old enough to where his sexist remarks make sense. 70 years younger and I woulda bitch slapped him with my metal-decorated bike gloves on.

Comments

heyasiaaa 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 16:10

what sucks is that he was probably right

HotSauce_fml 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 17:32

I agree.

containsnosoy 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 18:02

In your case you need to grow up, start thinking for yourself, and stop posting pathetic things like this.

pearldude729 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 18:35

YDI for having tiny boobs!!

quivx 7

Tuesday 13 October 2009 19:15

He's 86. Who gives a **** what he thinks?

Eltsc 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 19:55

Meh. Why complicate things unnecessarily? All you REALLY need is a cookbook. Actually, any decent-sized book will do. Then all you have to do is follow this simple scheme: 1) Clobber helpless old man over the head with a heavy book 2) Steal all his stuff 3) PROFIT! NOTE: The poster of this comment does not actually advocate assaulting helpless old men (or anybody, for that matter). Don't try this at home.

RataBlanca 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 20:31

I'd rather collect underpants for the sake of profit.

Eltsc 0

Wednesday 14 October 2009 21:47

Yes, but step two is a bit problematic...

Imaninja14 1

Tuesday 13 October 2009 22:28

Wow. Your neighbor needs to go to a mental hospital or...he knows what he is talking about..

DoctorFoxyNo1 0

Wednesday 14 October 2009 0:32

I prefer a beer

jillz 0

Wednesday 14 October 2009 3:43

that might have been true WAY back in his day but a glance around tells me that these days more guys run away once they get a taste of what it's like to be a "family man" and the state, who then has to help provide for the children doesn't care about boob jobs and cook books

Emriss 0

Wednesday 14 October 2009 3:52

This is hardly a FYL. It was just some old and old-fashioned guy being a dick. Boobs are overrated. I'm B32, and I get all the guys with repressed lolita complexes! And a cookbook is good for anyone.

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The Top

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years-old and pop like an arthritic 50 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 612

You deserved it 3 895

Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 723

You deserved it 13 099

The Top

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 684

You deserved it 4 278

Today, I found out my co-worker had made plans for a night out, just as I'd cancelled all of mine to work with him on a project for the next 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 045

You deserved it 858

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 530

You deserved it 5 153

Today, after drawing a huge portrait of a homeless man to raise awareness about homelessness, I showed it to him. When I told him I was glad he liked the drawing, he groped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 252

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 375

You deserved it 1 305

Today, I bit into a barbecue-ed corn cob, forgetting I had a filling on my chipped front tooth. I re-chipped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 784