Miscellaneous: Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/10/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 232

You deserved it 4 877

Women's Day: Equality and Laughter
Stories that celebrate women in a light-hearted and humorous way, because equality can also be a source of joy! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 718

You deserved it 4 023

By :( - 31/07/2016 04:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 718

You deserved it 2 466

By Mel Ancholy - 18/02/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 358

You deserved it 8 217

By Alexa23 - 15/03/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 214

You deserved it 8 912

Thanks for that, dad!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2019 01:00

Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 481

You deserved it 257

TMI

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 21:59 - United States - Crystal City

Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 113

By strawberrykiwi62 - 11/06/2009 09:09 - Israel

Today, I found out that my extremely-flat chested cousin recently got a boob job. When my mom found out, she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!". Then she looks at me and tells me that I should get one. Everyone including my own mother thinks I should get a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 083

You deserved it 5 525

By joshinbaltimore - 22/03/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 092

You deserved it 25 599

By WishIWasAWriter - 08/09/2011 18:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 390

You deserved it 3 338

How kind...

By NoThanks - 11/05/2018 01:30

Today, despite my objections, a 50-year-old guy at a bar tried to convince me that my "biological clock is ticking" and that it was time to have kids, "before it's too late". He then offered his help in this noble endeavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 419

You deserved it 343

Next

Top comments

Malika_fml 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 2:03

wise man

Luckster 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 2:05

He's old enough to where his sexist remarks make sense. 70 years younger and I woulda bitch slapped him with my metal-decorated bike gloves on.

Comments

atvarela 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 7:01

i absolutely agree with this old man.. saying that all a woman needs to succeed is a pimp, a cookbook, and a boobjob is the most valid statement ever said.. the pimp will give you your multiple orgasms, the cookbook will help with your sandwhich making skills, and also maybe help you satisfy your pimp in bed, with something like a pourtugese breakfast, and the boobjob,? it means that you don't have to get a real job, you already have a nice boobjob (and perhaps be pretty decent at your ******* and handjob)

ILoveAsianGirls 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 7:10

my girl doesn't need a cook book... because i cook better than any hoe that i will end up with. but a boob job would be nice. ;)

DarkJoy_fml 5

Tuesday 13 October 2009 7:29

Happy to see that you respect your "hoe." :)

Jakester 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 7:23

hmm well you could dress up like rachel ray (plus the boobs you could make fake ones yourself) and cook like her so finding a boyfriend would come easy :D perfecto!!

suckmywangchong 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 7:50

make my dinner

AlwaysRejected 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 7:51

Well, if you learn to cook and get a boob job, the boyfriend comes naturally

Ninjaface 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 8:09

Darn it, plexico stole my comment. I guess that's what I get for only checking FML on my phone in the middle of the night when I should be going to sleep; I don't exactly get one of the first comments.

panicked 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 8:17

Someone reads MLIA. http://mylifeisaverage.com/story.php?id=914025 Read MoonShoesPotter's comment (replying to BandGeekLove's comment)

null_fml 11

Tuesday 13 October 2009 8:30

Dude. The FML came first by many hours. MoonShoesPotter even admitted it. BEFORE you posted your comment there (and this one here) saying that FML stole it from MLIA. At least read timestamps and/or replies before making dumb accusations.

Mx_Rider 6

Tuesday 13 October 2009 8:31

that guy is epic!

AntiChrist7 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 8:48

YDI for caring what a senile person said

Cristaderzi 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 9:08

Well he is sadly mostly right lol

6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Work Break-ups Love Coworkers I need your advice Awkward Engagement School Parenting Kids Parents Birthday Cats Cooking Food Messy Miscellaneous Weddings Dance Embarrassing Texting Poopoo peepee Health Clumsy Clothes Mental health Annoying Noise Lonely

The Top

Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 472

You deserved it 9 839

Today, I finally had a chance to get outside after receiving shrapnel to my leg. My crutches had not yet arrived so I didn't want to risk it, but my buddies said they had my back. We went to the seaside and I sat down as they say they'd be right back. It started to rain and everyone forgot me. I can stand, but not walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 060

You deserved it 581

The Top

Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 765

You deserved it 5 957

Today, I accidentally told my barista that we have bed bugs and immediately saw the look of judgement on her face. I'm still cringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 905

Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 895

You deserved it 422

Today, I found out my mother cleans the dishes with bathroom cleaning chemicals. She doesn't see anything wrong with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 057

You deserved it 2 688

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 005

You deserved it 158 334

Today, I attempted a DIY haircut. In the process, I somehow managed to give myself a reverse mohawk. I now look like I'm auditioning for a punk rock band from the 80s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 549