Intimacy: Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to...

By shygurl434 - 15/03/2010 09:14 - United States

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 296

You deserved it 3 664

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Stinker

By taman - 12/09/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN!" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 947

You deserved it 5 363

Good job

By Anonymous - 11/01/2010 18:08 - United States

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 086

You deserved it 3 619

My body hates me

By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/09/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 843

You deserved it 5 283

By ordinaryday - 22/05/2012 12:21 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 252

You deserved it 3 339

By luckygirl - 14/12/2009 09:05 - United States

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 985

You deserved it 4 525

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 640

You deserved it 3 557

By not impressed - 09/10/2015 18:27 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 4 607

Needed to know

By ohwell - 09/06/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for two years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time, and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response? "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 424

You deserved it 17 614

Romantic

By Anonymous - 22/01/2011 05:29 - Canada

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 910

You deserved it 6 864

By Dana - 10/05/2011 08:36 - Netherlands

Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 135

You deserved it 12 133

Apolloyn 0

Monday 15 March 2010 16:01

thats a good thing

WtFiMdAdDy 0

Monday 15 March 2010 16:03

nice pooper? really. how old is he? hahaha....

Comments

Simplyjulie 0

Monday 15 March 2010 17:02

lmfaoo. that's funny

iSitt 0

Monday 15 March 2010 17:06

why do jerks get the girls ?

CallMeHush 0

Monday 15 March 2010 17:24

Because they go for it! They don't sit around bitching about not having one.

Devolver 0

Monday 15 March 2010 17:06

This is not an fml. He just likes some cushin' for the pushin'. Ask him on a date!

ahhhmber 0

Monday 15 March 2010 17:20

jerks get girls because most girls have no self respect.

ahhhmber 0

Monday 15 March 2010 17:22

AND they aren't attracted to the nice guys.

Chillz 0

Monday 15 March 2010 17:29

why was your butthole exposed in the first place?

ItWasntMeDude 0

Monday 15 March 2010 18:30

A valid question, indeed.

Ecnassianer 0

Monday 15 March 2010 19:52

Indeed. You really should wear pants to school.

Ecnassianer 0

Monday 15 March 2010 19:53

What happened to the frog in my avatar? o_O -fixes-

okieraider71 4

Monday 15 March 2010 18:08

GIRLS POOP??? AAAWWWWW! The lies I have been told! I can't believe the Easter Bunny would lie to me like that!

xundria 5

Monday 15 March 2010 18:24

It's okay. You can pull through this, I know you shouldn't have found out he was lying to you the whole time this way...

collectadot 0

Monday 15 March 2010 18:26

heh when I'm with my friends and we see a chick with a nice backside I'll say look at the sh*tter on that critter

mirkayscar 0

Monday 15 March 2010 20:17

61... nice sh*tter on the critter???? bahahahaha that's funny!

pamalahh69 0

Monday 15 March 2010 18:49

he%27s+talking+about+your+ass.+

MiloC_fml 3

Monday 15 March 2010 18:53

HaH! Winnah!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 294

You deserved it 9 653

Today, I was denied food stamp assistance. Apparently, you need to work 20 hours a week while being a full time student to qualify or have a work study. I was recently suspended from my work study for calling off because my aunt died, and if I worked 20 hours a week, why would I need food stamps? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 150

You deserved it 5 868

The Top

Today, my friend with benefits that I was starting to like forgot my name in front of his friends when they asked who I was. We've known each other for at least a year. I think this means I'm just a benefit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 616

You deserved it 884

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 730

You deserved it 8 165

Today, I thought I heard a nasty storm brewing, even though there was no warning that one would occur. I then realized it was one of my cats, stuck behind a chair and trying to escape with little success. Yes, her escape attempts were that noisy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 166

Today, I lost my earbuds on the subway to work, so I had to listen to my boss's terrible music all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 219

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 359

You deserved it 5 481

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 769

You deserved it 3 685