Animals: Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight... - FML

By panda - 03/03/2011 11:20

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 262

You deserved it 6 288

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Same thing different taste

It found you

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 02:00

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 1 211

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 083

You deserved it 8 761

Who's a good boy?

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 400

You deserved it 226

Alert!

By DamnDogs - 05/03/2012 10:28 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 603

You deserved it 4 070

By GoodDog - 09/09/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 855

You deserved it 51 893

By anonymous - 19/07/2012 23:56 - United States - La Verne

Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 795

You deserved it 41 743

By DomesticPatrol - 07/01/2017 02:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 657

You deserved it 1 774

Early warning

By Anonymous - 16/11/2024 00:00 - Ireland

Today, my dog started barking at literally nothing in the middle of the night. I spent 15 minutes convinced there was a ghost or something in my house, only to realize she was barking at her own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 77

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 391

You deserved it 50 988

By Sid - 10/04/2011 00:58 - United States

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 699

You deserved it 41 768

Next

Top comments

VeeVengeance 0

Thursday 3 March 2011 16:10

A machete really? Where do you think you are, in the ******* jungle?

Zebidee 8

Thursday 3 March 2011 16:21

Alternatively, whoever was there heard a dog lose its mind, saw the house lights come on, a guy stumble around, pick up a machete and head for the yard, then unsurprisingly decided not to stick around and see what happened next. Buy your dog a big bone.

Comments

SmallyBigs 9

Thursday 3 March 2011 17:54

Why would OP stop stop searching at the front door?

Firebalone 13

Thursday 3 March 2011 17:54

Maybe he was barking at a ghost!

Kiki_Venom 0

Thursday 3 March 2011 18:01

ummm was the machete the coolest weapon or what? couldn't you just get a gun? and how big is your yard to have a spotlight???

briidontgive_ 0

Thursday 3 March 2011 18:11

U have ghosts. Don't doubt your dogg

Trollz4daLULZ 1

Thursday 3 March 2011 18:40

YDI for owning a machete, for owning a spotlight, for owning a house with a yard, for owning a house at all, and for owning a dog. If it's a neutered male dog, he's getting his revenge on you.

djmigues 7

Thursday 3 March 2011 18:51

:D

emodude44 0

Thursday 3 March 2011 18:44

Why a machete? Why not a chemical flamethrower?

Kiki_Venom 0

Friday 4 March 2011 2:47

haha ULTRA WIN...

jpest17 5

Thursday 3 March 2011 19:01

you're right it is too heavy I would grab something lighter like a kitchen knife.

nerdsgetmehot 22

Thursday 3 March 2011 20:11

You own a machete? Remind me to not piss you off.

trappedinthevoid 0

Friday 4 March 2011 3:16

love the name :D ...how you doin'?

Heliol 8

Thursday 3 March 2011 20:48

The first time I read this I thought he got the machete to look for the dog, not an intruder xD Yeah, my brain just hasn't felt like working all day :/

annihil8or 15

Thursday 3 March 2011 21:41

Machete is nothing guys, I own a chainsaw

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