Health: Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother...

By lanikai610 - 26/10/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks VapoRub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 384

You deserved it 7 616

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Same thing different taste

Happy Easter!

By Dummy - 01/04/2018 15:00

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 746

You deserved it 1 436

By Obi1Shinobi - 30/10/2012 14:27 - United States

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 143

You deserved it 4 663

By no more tp - 17/02/2011 06:22

Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 078

You deserved it 4 358

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 680

You deserved it 2 410

Always check before

By Anonymous - 19/05/2017 14:00

Today, the stall I was using didn't have any toilet paper in it. Being the immature idiot I am, I was too embarrassed to ask for someone to grab me some. So I waited 45 minutes for the bathroom to be empty and crept into the next stall, only to find it was also out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 695

You deserved it 952

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 10:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on a crowded bus on the way back from my boyfriend's when I suddenly had a terrible nose bleed. I had no tissues, so instead I had to use last night's underwear from my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 388

You deserved it 5 387

By CallmeEddie - 14/11/2013 16:44 - United States - Joliet

Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 892

You deserved it 4 909

We've all done it

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 04:00

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall and the toilet paper had ran out. I had to use the socks I'd just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 224

By disgusted - 23/02/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 453

You deserved it 3 688

NinaTatianna 9

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:07

Easy fix: take a shower.

Corygerm 9

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:07

Puffs plus indeed.

Comments

FMLKamiisaur 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:08

At least you won't have a "Crotch Cold." Long story, but it's actually happened. O.o

The_Troller 14

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:29

Blue waffle...?

evildemonchild 18

Thursday 27 October 2011 3:55

Lmfao idk why but this made me laugh

zelhackin 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:09

Cool story bro

jrsylilballer6 7

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:10

Ragig ass burn FML (: Sorry OP /:

YayFlameWarz 9

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:11

You may or may not be ginger, but now you are the definition of a fire crotch

krustacea 1

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:12

nmh sexy time

tweetypie 18

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:13

Fire crotch?

twofirstnames 12

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:23

Damn I was going to say the same thing haha(:

Lexigrimes 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:15

That awkward moment when...

CheeseOnTheSide 3

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:15

you must have a hot crotch. see what I did there?

Savra_fml 17

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:35

Go lick it to cool it off. See what i did?

KiddNYC1O 20

Thursday 27 October 2011 3:25

You're doing it wrong...

Savra_fml 17

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:16

Wouldn't the nice eucalyptus smell give it away? Or at least the big V on the side of the box?

EffinToofer 3

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:42

She thought the V was for VICTORY!

Savra_fml 17

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:48

Good call. Common mistake, really. Who wouldn't think that?

iFizzgig 11

Thursday 27 October 2011 4:35

No no, she thought the v was for ******.

leogirl95 12

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:21

Oooooooh burnnnnn...

Keywords

Family Miscellaneous DIY Cats Management Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Relatable Coworkers Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 711

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 865

You deserved it 5 424

The Top

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 31

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 346

You deserved it 29 705

Today, I was finally able to see my gran for the first time since lockdown. She told me off for not visiting sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 163

Today, my younger brother got in engaged. When we had a conversation about the wedding, he asked why the hell would I be involved with any of it! He used to be my best friend. I don’t know what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 179

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 912

You deserved it 7 379

Today, my husband cancelled our internet and cable package because we’re having money problems. I work from home and need the internet to do so. I guess getting a job of his own wasn’t an option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 846

You deserved it 330

Same thing different taste

Happy Easter!

Ring of fire

Always check before

We've all done it

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