Sex and Love: Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in... - FML

By sissica - 11/02/2009 23:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 195

You deserved it 6 630

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/04/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 326

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 305

You deserved it 4 750

Sick burn

By Anonymous - 16/05/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 011

You deserved it 8 075

By anonymous - 03/06/2013 04:41 - United States - Banner Elk

Spicy

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 959

You deserved it 18 300

By Tonya - 28/06/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 242

You deserved it 7 780

By a268 - 02/02/2009 09:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 344

You deserved it 3 337

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Spicy

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 927

You deserved it 7 677

Turn it off

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 06:00

Spicy

Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 171

By okay._. - 01/11/2012 07:54 - United States - Marysville

Spicy

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 514

You deserved it 7 411

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 08:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said, "Right now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 770

You deserved it 5 061

Next

Top comments

katieatieay 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 4:26

if someone said that to me, it would really just make me want to **** him even more. i'm not lying or being sarcastic. but... relax for heavens sake, it's not like he said he'll never have sex with you again. he's not in the mood. just make him some ******* hot chocolate.

johnburke 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 3:27

Haha wow, that was priceless. I'd never do that to a woman

Comments

davidtheday 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 17:08

He could have just gotten done being with his secretary/mistress...

TBR 0

Friday 13 February 2009 3:06

#24 because Stilettos are sexy

katieatieay 0

Saturday 14 February 2009 16:58

shut up #31. i think its adorable.

NeonBubblez 6

Friday 9 September 2011 5:24

Psh. I agree. It would have turned me on even more...

skrewedallover 0

Monday 16 February 2009 8:58

your husband is a piece of shit, ditch that lameo

katieatieay 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:20

most women i know aren't THAT afraid of wearing stilettos, #36.

Porter_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 17:22

I know what I would have done. You. ACTUALLY, let me see a picture of you first.

Sipos 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 0:57

That is really hot! You sound awesome. Sometimes even men aren't in the mood though.

Sunsh1ne 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:54

See, this would be a good time to make use of a bottle of chocolate syrup... you provide the heat. But yeah, he probably would respond better to relaxing hot chocolate first, nudity second.

token247 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 0:03

maybe hot chocolate is code for something?

abbottizer 0

Monday 2 March 2009 9:33

you put on stilettos huh? and about 30lbs am i right?

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, my husband threw a bitch-fit and made passive aggressive remarks throughout the entire day. What did I do? Call him out on commenting an eggplant, peach, and winky face emoji under a female friend’s picture. He deactivated all social media accounts and shouted, “Are you happy now? I can’t talk to anyone now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 94

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in The Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 650

You deserved it 8 222

The Top

Today, I came to class, prepared with my notes for the debate we were having today. My teacher then told me that I would be representing the opposite side I chose, despite her saying we could choose our own sides. This happened minutes before the debate started, and my notes were useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 842

You deserved it 2 204

Today, I went out on a date with a girl for the first time. I opened her car door for her and then slammed her leg in it upon closing. She will be in a cast for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 719

You deserved it 10 451

Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 765

You deserved it 16 926

Today, I decided I don’t need to restrict my consumption of shrimp anymore, which I used to do because they are so expensive. So, did I finally land a well-paying job? Nope. It's just that all the other kinds of seafood have risen so much in price that it doesn’t make any difference now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 133

Today, it was my very last day teaching my dance class. After the class ended, the owner of the studio started clapping and told all my students to give me a hug. No one hugged me. No one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 733

You deserved it 5 717

Today, I keep getting ghosted on every platform. People seem interested until they see my face, and vanish. What gives? I'm plain but not unattractive, nor heavy or blemished. Just average. Boring average. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 140