Intimacy: Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school....

By snownerd - 03/11/2011 16:13 - United States

Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 763

You deserved it 39 714

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Memory loss

By UGH - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 281

You deserved it 81 095

By mrdave - 04/07/2009 05:54 - Canada

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 905

You deserved it 46 472

By hihipanda - 30/08/2009 12:58 - Singapore

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 521

You deserved it 3 332

By totallyembarassed - 07/07/2012 04:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 003

You deserved it 28 778

By tammy - 27/06/2012 05:05 - United States - Inglewood

Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 132

You deserved it 3 621

By Anonymous - 16/09/2012 13:46 - United States

Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 563

You deserved it 4 118

By Noname - 16/02/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 402

You deserved it 3 662

Fat chance

By Dave - 23/04/2012 13:22 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 659

You deserved it 22 034

By pimpdaddyX - 22/09/2012 16:22 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 176

You deserved it 19 959

By yournick - 31/01/2011 21:23 - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 4 834

iFizzgig 11

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:50

You were dropping a hint.

ohmandapants 16

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:51

Well now they know you're getting laid.

Comments

Kelli_Rose 0

Friday 4 November 2011 1:10

ok, now THAT is funny. you gotta admit it :)

perdix 29

Friday 4 November 2011 1:23

She'll know you are Semper Paratus. I'll bet she'll call, Marine! Hoo-hah!!!

badactor009 0

Friday 4 November 2011 8:06

Semper Paratus is the Coast Guard's motto.

jaff23 11

Friday 4 November 2011 1:24

did she call you then?

ellakacyme22 6

Friday 4 November 2011 1:33

Good thing is she knows you are a responsible ******.

YoushowedMe 0

Friday 4 November 2011 1:33

Cause u were actually gonna return the condoms if they didn't fit. Sure.

badactor009 0

Friday 4 November 2011 8:11

No, guys don't do that. If the condom does not fit we use the rest of the pack for miscellaneous mischief. We are guys. That's how we roll. We don't return sex toys either. Some are a total rip off but some are worth their weight in gold. Tell me I am wrong.

YoushowedMe 0

Friday 4 November 2011 22:04

It was sarcastic .. But alright.

FrankHotpants 31

Friday 4 November 2011 1:38

Nothing wrong with that...a mans got to buy his shit...jus like a woman giving her number to a guy on a tampon receipt.

badactor009 0

Friday 4 November 2011 8:14

That's right. A man has to buy his man stuff. No excuse should to be offered. At least that chick would know that she is going to see a guy who might know how to show a girl a good time. That chick should realize how lucky she is and frame that receipt.

Vannarae 0

Friday 4 November 2011 1:38

It better say magnum somewhere or no call back lol

legitimmeee 0

Friday 4 November 2011 2:09

If she's looking for a guys that's "pure" you wont be it

badactor009 0

Friday 4 November 2011 8:04

But she might be looking for a guy who knows how to show a girl a good time.

ndhin831 2

Friday 4 November 2011 2:15

"That isn't mine! That stuff's not my bag baby!"

badactor009 0

Friday 4 November 2011 8:17

No excuse should be offered. A man has to buy man stuff from time to time. Now, if the receipt also had **** mags, a bag of Doritos and a six pack of beer, that might look bad.