Intimacy: Memory loss

Memory loss

By UGH - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 281

You deserved it 81 096

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Same thing different taste

By totallyembarassed - 07/07/2012 04:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 003

You deserved it 28 778

By the_captain - 23/06/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 703

You deserved it 3 516

Flustered

By Anonymous - 21/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 110

I'm a mess

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 23:01

Today, I went in to return a pack of socks. The cashier told me I couldn't return them. Then, I thought that she hadn't given the unreturnable socks back to me, even though she had, so I ended up getting all hormonal and angry over their return policy. When I got home, my mom got on my case too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 1 327

By condiments - 22/02/2010 21:13 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 148

You deserved it 3 061

By danskinnow - 05/10/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 124

You deserved it 34 699

By HYRTE - 06/09/2017 04:30

Today, I returned a shirt for my mom. When the cashier asked why, I just said my mom didn't like the way it looked. After an awkward pause, I noticed the cashier was wearing the same shirt. She was not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 039

You deserved it 369

Lose-lose situation

By suckerrrrr - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I bought a top, along with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 590

You deserved it 14 742

Where's my stuff?

By freezingtodeath - 04/12/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, I went into Target's dressing rooms to try some pants on, leaving my full cart outside. An employee thought it had been left there, and took it to put the stuff back. My coat, hat, gloves were in it. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 704

You deserved it 22 971

By geena - 27/10/2012 06:42 - United States - Washington

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 073

You deserved it 7 981

adelaide_evening 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:15

Tell her it was a science experiment where you filled a lubed condom up with whipped cream and saw how long it took for it to explode in a microwave.

Jaxro 6

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:16

Hahahaha, I wonder what there person at the check out was like when you had all those rung up. :P

Comments

Dax212saysFML 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:15

lol

NzxtZ06 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 4:12

you ate condoms with whipped cream?

baconbag 0

Friday 22 October 2010 0:12

They sell lube at Target?

sk8rchick97 0

Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:02

who buys that stuff from target?

adelaide_evening 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:15

Tell her it was a science experiment where you filled a lubed condom up with whipped cream and saw how long it took for it to explode in a microwave.

mostlybroken12 0

Monday 13 September 2010 3:40

win!

alexh15 13

Saturday 28 January 2012 22:28

That actually sounds plausible! :)

kelseythompson 27

Thursday 2 May 2013 0:47

I would be pissed as a parent if my kid was exploding cream filled condoms in the microwave

teamkakashi 18

Saturday 12 September 2015 21:40

Depends on the age really

Jaxro 6

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:16

Hahahaha, I wonder what there person at the check out was like when you had all those rung up. :P

iloveespresso 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 17:31

#3 i thought the same thing. if i was the cashier id say, "so you like it that way?" and theyd be .. :S

connorgrant98 24

Monday 1 December 2014 6:50

They don't care

Berkies 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:18

Ouch man

zach5432 3

Monday 13 September 2010 22:12

the op is a girl

seitz96 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:20

Tell her dad had me get a few things after school

smiles1234456 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:20

LOL #2 but i voted YDI.. how stupid could you be?

duckpsy 2

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:21

hahah #2. do that if she questions you.

medina55 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:21

since when does target sell condoms and lube??? and just hope that your mom doesn't notice those items on the receipt

butterflygal69 4

Monday 2 January 2012 14:50

Really when was the last time u went to Target?

nco1414 7

Monday 3 September 2012 0:42

Target has always sold that stuff..

wrecklesswfire 3

Thursday 4 April 2024 5:45

every target I’ve been to sells all that and more

wow_ugh_fmylife 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:23

haha woww FYL for sure! but, seriously, how could you not realize that??

lifeiscrazyyy 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:24

woooow! sucks!

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The Top

Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly ran across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family who owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 358

You deserved it 5 959

Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 407

You deserved it 3 021

The Top

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 463

You deserved it 4 965

Today, I was excited to finally receive my Halloween costume in the mail after the one I ordered back in September got lost in transit. Upon reaching my mailbox, I saw the lock had been broken off and my new costume had been stolen. The party is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 112

You deserved it 231

Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 577

You deserved it 2 250

Today, I dropped a pizza I made. Don't worry though, I caught it between my hands and legs. I no longer have fingerprints on my right hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 709

You deserved it 2 030

Today, with 3 miles left of a 16-mile bike ride, I got a flat tire and had to push my bike back to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 233

Today, after nearly 5 months of trying for a baby, I found out my wife has continued to take the pill as it gave her a better idea of her cycle and thus when she'd be "most fertile". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 524

You deserved it 5 133

Memory loss

Same thing different taste

Flustered

I'm a mess

Lose-lose situation

Where's my stuff?

Top comments

Comments