Intimacy: Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many... - FML

By robotchickens - 10/03/2010 19:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 182

You deserved it 2 707

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By flowerchildd2 - 12/12/2011 23:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 466

You deserved it 3 037

By scarlet - 09/05/2011 15:02 - Canada

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 897

You deserved it 3 412

By annabellatrix - 14/09/2015 18:20 - Hungary

Spicy

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 649

You deserved it 2 404

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, on the bus, a man in his late 30s sat next to me. After a moment, he turned to me and said with a wink, "You must be ovulating, I can smell your vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 197

You deserved it 359

By Anonymous - 11/06/2015 21:20 - United States - Helena

Spicy

Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 931

You deserved it 3 360

By missprude666 - 19/01/2012 08:32 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 214

You deserved it 4 509

New creepypasta

By pokeballbra - 17/10/2011 05:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with, "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 108

You deserved it 4 083

By bridezilla - 05/07/2009 04:12 - Canada

Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 497

You deserved it 6 861

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 110

You deserved it 2 563

Thanks for sharing

By uni life - 15/05/2012 08:08 - Australia - Perth

Spicy

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 222

You deserved it 2 852

Next

Top comments

aardvarkish 15

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:26

I'm all ears

KaylynKicks 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:26

oooooo sexy! what a turn on

Comments

Fedor_is_KING 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:59

I'm curious. What did he want to do with your orifices?

KurouTenshi 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:40

@61 well, the mouth is good for fingers, penises, toes (if you're into that, I'm not), and maybe a nut or two. the anus is perfect for penis, but only after proper lubrication, otherwise it either just won't go in, or it'll suck. big time. other produces are best to stick with your tongue, cause I can't see a penis going into an ear (buy apparently Seth McFarlen can)

Fedor_is_KING 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 1:58

Tenshi, after this post and the other one where you were bragging about your oral skills I believe I want to meet you :P

KurouTenshi 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 4:17

@114 well I AM off tomorrow, so~ ;) PM me dude :D you seem like you'd make an awesome FML buddy!!

OIFMedic 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 5:45

truly SAD, people don't know what orifice is!!!

kperalta 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:00

I wouldve beat the shit out of him , idgaf if he's old !

letsgobucks 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:03

u let him didn't u

Anonononomous 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:03

he'd prolly liked getting kicked in the groin, he wants op to touch him. doesn't matter it's her foot.

hotpinkdiamond 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:04

I'm sure deep down, you were truly flattered by a creeper wanting you:)

x_AbyssGazing_x 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:05

Anyone else notice OP's a dude? =|

awesomechica1229 5

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:08

Ewww that makes it even more creepier and I just threw up in my mouth :/

omgitsalex62 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:11

hahaha i just noticed thaat.

Oreogasm 5

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:06

when you say 'all the things', TC, that makes me believe you stayed and wanted to hear 'all about it' and eventually do it with the old man. otherwise u could have left or told him straight up to fk off.

sublimaze 6

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:08

the fact that you sat there long enough for him to verbally probe multiple "various orifices" tells me he piqued your interest. at the very least, you should invite that man to your coming-out party

lemony_fml 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:10

And? Old men are HOT!

okieraider71 4

Thursday 11 March 2010 0:10

For a young lady to physically attack an agressive man is not always good advice. Carry mace.

2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Embarrassing Awkward Health Love Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic

The Top

Today, there was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, so I said, "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 423

You deserved it 13 444

Today, my husband threw a bitch-fit and made passive aggressive remarks throughout the entire day. What did I do? Call him out on commenting an eggplant, peach, and winky face emoji under a female friend’s picture. He deactivated all social media accounts and shouted, “Are you happy now? I can’t talk to anyone now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 94

The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later came into the T-Mobile that I work at to return the Sidekick that I bought for her. I had to transfer her account to a new Iphone. She got the Iphone from her new boyfriend, who works across the street from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 932

You deserved it 4 832

Today, the framed memorabilia that I spent $195 on last week came crashing to the floor. It was on my wall for less than 2 hours. The picture is torn and the glass is shattered, but at least the frame is alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 936

You deserved it 607

Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 140

You deserved it 2 772

Today, I came to the unpleasant realization that my friends only keep me around because I’m nice, know when to keep my mouth shut, and am willing to listen to them vent. In short, I’m the therapist friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 171

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 258

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 825

You deserved it 3 714