Intimacy: Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd...

By f*cks_sake - 13/05/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 407

You deserved it 11 095

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Same thing different taste

By frankrizzo - 01/02/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 043

You deserved it 9 041

By Anonymous - 22/07/2016 04:14 - United States - Missoula

Today, I was on a plane flying home and fell asleep. I woke up to my own snoring and everyone on the plane looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 084

You deserved it 1 882

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 16:07 - United States - Katy

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 742

You deserved it 23 092

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 555

You deserved it 7 958

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 576

You deserved it 13 120

By Anonymous - 04/12/2014 19:33 - United States

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 614

You deserved it 3 311

By nick - 22/03/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 261

You deserved it 13 301

By Anonymous - 12/03/2014 15:33 - United States

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 000

You deserved it 5 356

By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 17:41 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 191

You deserved it 6 723

By notacreep - 06/07/2015 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 549

You deserved it 8 249

meowcat_1 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 6:08

That's not weird at all...

vettle 6

Saturday 14 May 2011 6:13

this is the only time when being a girl is better in the anatomy department.

Comments

Fuk_Your_Life 2

Saturday 14 May 2011 6:14

Imaginary GF

california283 6

Saturday 14 May 2011 6:17

hahah I would've love to see this

huntermc7 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 6:19

Must have been one heck of a dream.

jane79 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 6:19

I agree at least when a girl gets arroused people can't tell it sucks for you guys and your boners, should of just said sorry it's morning wood.

Bano360 25

Saturday 14 May 2011 13:46

Some get very wet though. And some can't hide that look on their face.

Soloman212 28

Sunday 15 May 2011 0:14

Morning wood comprises of French kissing the air?

Fuk_Your_Life 2

Saturday 14 May 2011 6:21

Awkward

MissBoo111 21

Saturday 14 May 2011 6:21

lol dude that's hilarious!!!!!!

seekndestroy 3

Saturday 14 May 2011 6:22

Alright, I'm stumped. What the hell is a "bollocking"? I know bollocks means "balls" or just something thats generally useless, and I even did a quick search for "bollocking," but I still have no idea what the end of the story means. someone help me out here

xavier1623 4

Saturday 14 May 2011 6:26

Maybe the dude got screwed over by the security.

tjsomethin 9

Saturday 14 May 2011 6:26

v. Bollocking, when one is lectured, criticised or reprimanded.

seekndestroy 3

Saturday 14 May 2011 6:27

nevermind, google has solved the issue. That'll show me to use a pocket dictionary instead of the interwebs.

YacL 15

Saturday 14 May 2011 7:41

So I wasn't the only person confused here? That's a relief.

Nosmo75 4

Saturday 14 May 2011 11:46

It's British slang for being told off. Usually very loudly and harshly. Akin to an army drill sergeant finding out you slipped out of the camp last night and shagged his wife.