Miscellaneous: Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated...

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By Emma - 01/08/2011 21:29 - United States

Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 122

You deserved it 3 474

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Same thing different taste

By RequilaRainbow - 26/01/2012 07:34 - Canada

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 698

You deserved it 4 340

By Anonymous - 12/09/2013 22:43 - United States - Toms River

Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 112

You deserved it 3 961

By justafriend - 28/05/2017 00:00

Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 264

You deserved it 388

Cool your jets, lady

By all puked out - 13/07/2014 21:14 - Netherlands

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 802

You deserved it 4 342

Awww, my feefees

By Erick - 11/05/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 287

By Anonymous - 06/11/2015 05:29 - United States - Madison

Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 915

You deserved it 1 856

By TheOtherWoman - 20/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 040

You deserved it 12 804

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 747

You deserved it 6 807

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 21:28 - United States

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 551

You deserved it 3 199

The ex from hell

By welpwelpwelp - 08/07/2015 17:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 003

You deserved it 1 960

Halcyon3210 6

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:05

He's not a part of your system!

kbt13 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:06

I like how you cheated on him without you guys actually being together.

Comments

2ndSucks 15

Tuesday 2 August 2011 6:11

Three is the best way to go.

Klug_fml 7

Tuesday 2 August 2011 6:14

He won't be a part of this system.

Klug_fml 7

Tuesday 2 August 2011 6:14

He won't be a part of this system.

Klug_fml 7

Tuesday 2 August 2011 6:14

He won't be a part of this system.

CoDplayer96 4

Tuesday 2 August 2011 6:29

it's ok. people are a wholes.

alex54231 11

Tuesday 2 August 2011 6:37

OMG that's funny. That *****!

MackenzieBug 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 6:51

That's ******* Amazing!! Other Than The Fct that She Probably Broke Your Phone =S

OuchAndGoodfight 5

Tuesday 2 August 2011 6:57

Ooo, that much be.. he loves humans.

major_paine92 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 7:08

You deserved it for cheating.

walkern1891 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 7:30

at first I thought you meant tramp as in a ***** lol!

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The Top

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 242

You deserved it 2 417

Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 560

You deserved it 48 729

The Top

Today, the guy I have a crush on invited me over to his house. I was nervous and excited, until I found out that he really just wanted me to clean it. Apparently, my friends from the university told him that was my job and he believed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 289

You deserved it 389

Today, my son was expelled from school for bullying. The event in question took place off campus, during spring break, and was a friendly scuff. The iPhone video they used as evidence clearly showed the other boy laughing his head off and both of them sharing a coke afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 897

You deserved it 453

Today, I decided to be productive and work from a coffee shop. Just as I was about to talk to my boss on a video conference call, the barista shouted, "Latte for Batman!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 772

Today, I backed into our new garage door. The same new garage door that we purchased because I broke our old one by backing into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 740

You deserved it 44 484

Today, my cat decided to hide in the garbage can so he could get a free trip outside, but was too fat to climb all of the way inside of it. He got stuck half-way in. It took me ten minutes to get him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 778

You deserved it 6 228

Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 206

You deserved it 3 906

Same thing different taste

Cool your jets, lady

Awww, my feefees

The ex from hell

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