First Dates and Love: Tonight, on First Dates…

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Tonight, on First Dates…

By dumper - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was, "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 607

You deserved it 5 692

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Same thing different taste

Stinker

By taman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN!" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 401

You deserved it 5 472

By shithappens - 31/03/2019 14:00

Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 269

You deserved it 689

By great. - 02/01/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 983

You deserved it 3 566

By hollysofly - 15/01/2011 07:38 - United States

Today, I went on the first date of my life. I also burped during my first kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 196

You deserved it 7 962

Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 977

You deserved it 7 931

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 14:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 156

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 854

You deserved it 4 431

My body hates me

By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/09/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 850

You deserved it 5 290

Deal breaker

By frankie - 19/01/2009 01:01 - Canada

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 917

You deserved it 3 552

By manderz? - 03/08/2016 00:18 - United States - Beach Haven

Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush, we ended up going out to dinner. We shared a meal, and it was delicious! This would have been the ultimate dream come true... Except for the part about me throwing up in his car on the way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 501

You deserved it 1 120

teiso_fml 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 12:24

Since it's your first date ever, here's something you should know about guys: Sometimes, they have to poo. Even when they're on a date. It's not their fault, it's just the way their bodies work.

SaintJimmy 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 12:18

You do not want. Trust me I know these kinds of people.

Comments

supertriton 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 23:53

How planned was this date? Sure sure, it's a cardinal rule; ALWAYS handle your business before you try to go out and express yourself. But C'mon, really? Give the guy some credit, maybe he ate a burrito and it wasn't sitting well. Would you rather him just be farting the whole time, or keeling over to handle his crazy bad gas? I'm thinking no. Granted, more suave timing and words have been used in introducing the idea that you might need to branch off for a few and take care of what's yours, but at least he wanted to be able to focus on you, and not mad abdominal/intestinal pains. Imagine his FML post: "I was pretty bummed today, because I got this babe to spend some time with me, but some bad timing/meal-planning/turbulence/whatever was jacking up my stomach's life when we met up. I didn't want to stain my expensive pants, expose her to anything unpleasant, or feel distracted from her babe'n face, so I confidently let her know what was up, and handled it. It took a while, and now I'm pretty sure she just thinks I'm a nasty poop monster. FML."

Relentless113 0

Friday 6 November 2009 0:39

a guys gotta do what a guys gotta do

maddymayhem 0

Friday 6 November 2009 1:23

LOL dude at least he didnt ditch u. he had to poop! not nearly as bad as if he got thr said he had to poop and climbed out the bathroom window. just be glad he came back.

bugmenotmofo 34

Friday 6 November 2009 1:35

Am I the first to notice that OP's nickname is dumper? *IRONY*

Amphysvena 11

Sunday 8 November 2009 20:02

actually, this is not irony. her name was entirely intentional. there is no irony here at all.

cheetahboo2010 5

Friday 6 November 2009 2:02

Hold on. I was considering commenting on this, but then realized I have to take a poop, xDD

mydear 0

Friday 6 November 2009 2:41

im a lesbian and i don't poop Njtorres

DeathShad0 1

Friday 6 November 2009 3:47

So I figure It's nothing but infatuation then? You picture the one you're infatuated with to be perfect in every way, which means they don't need to use the bathroom. You'll be happier if you didn't flip shit (lulz) over little things.

quackquackquac 0

Friday 6 November 2009 4:15

I don't get why guys have to announce that they need to take a dump... seriously, I've heard that twice today! I don't want to know when you have to take a dump. really!