Intimacy: Use the force - FML

Use the force

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Spicy

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 133

You deserved it 56 899

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Same thing different taste

Get it where you can

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Spicy

Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 352

He knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

By padmelover - 27/08/2022 22:00

Today, my dad said I need to stop playing with toys and threw my lightsaber out of the window. It was a replica of the Lightsaber used by Mark Hamill, made from the same type handle from a 1970s camera, just like the film prop. It was over 40 years-old and worth thousands. Not anymore, as it's now scratched and in two pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 203

By Anonymous - 09/03/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 766

You deserved it 7 945

One size fits all

By Anonymous - 18/06/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, I bought an electric sex toy to make masturbating more interesting. My penis wasn’t long enough to reach the moving massaging parts on the inside, and just pathetically rested a few inches inside the opening. I could call it a bad design but I’d be lying, I just have a small dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 317

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 472

You deserved it 7 480

War drums

By Taylor - 30/07/2011 05:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend started singing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 232

You deserved it 10 684

I think we're alone now

By lopez - 16/12/2008 03:58 - France

Spicy

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden, I heard a familiar voice, saying, "At least someone's having fun…" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 056

You deserved it 35 230

By rastafarimon - 17/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 173

You deserved it 8 977

By a - 21/05/2009 19:18 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 047

You deserved it 49 651

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 741

You deserved it 762

Next

Top comments

LukeFree 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

The force is strong with this one.....

IndiRae 9

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

You deserve it for calling it a Star Wars sword.

Comments

cxiisoul 0

Friday 12 August 2011 7:58

I'll be your sex toy ;)

elisabeth1_fml 0

Friday 12 August 2011 8:01

What's to be embarrassed about. My girlfriends and I regularly swap notes on which toys give you a lot of buzz for your bucks. Go online shopping. Private, discreet and they come to you in plain packaging if that suits you. Go for it

chengy4191 7

Friday 12 August 2011 8:16

Go to www.timeformecatalog.com that's where I get mine

chengy4191 7

Friday 12 August 2011 8:18

Actually it's www.timeformecatalog.com sorry

ysabo 0

Friday 12 August 2011 8:28

I think you mean lightsaber.

lildoo 0

Friday 12 August 2011 8:45

wtf???

coolkid021 2

Friday 12 August 2011 9:31

i agree with 256. now that is hilarious!! FML

guywithhead 5

Friday 12 August 2011 9:32

YDI for calling it a sword!

BellaMarta 19

Friday 12 August 2011 9:46

Use the force!

Tidy_Traxx 0

Friday 12 August 2011 10:09

YDI - It's a freakin Lightsaber you psycho! lol, nice one for sticking it in your nookie though :)

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You deserved it 119

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!...

I agree, your life sucks 9

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 30 087

You deserved it 2 894

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I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 155

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I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 100

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I agree, your life sucks 2 351

You deserved it 231

Today, the new heart medication I take makes it hard for me to get an erection. It also gives me gas. My wife is getting sick of me farting when we're finally able to screw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 161

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I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 1 037