Intimacy: Use the force - FML

Use the force

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Spicy

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 133

You deserved it 56 902

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Get it where you can

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Spicy

Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 353

He knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

By padmelover - 27/08/2022 22:00

Today, my dad said I need to stop playing with toys and threw my lightsaber out of the window. It was a replica of the Lightsaber used by Mark Hamill, made from the same type handle from a 1970s camera, just like the film prop. It was over 40 years-old and worth thousands. Not anymore, as it's now scratched and in two pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 203

By Anonymous - 09/03/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 768

You deserved it 7 946

One size fits all

By Anonymous - 18/06/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, I bought an electric sex toy to make masturbating more interesting. My penis wasn’t long enough to reach the moving massaging parts on the inside, and just pathetically rested a few inches inside the opening. I could call it a bad design but I’d be lying, I just have a small dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 925

You deserved it 318

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 475

You deserved it 7 481

War drums

By Taylor - 30/07/2011 05:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend started singing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 234

You deserved it 10 684

I think we're alone now

By lopez - 16/12/2008 03:58 - France

Spicy

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden, I heard a familiar voice, saying, "At least someone's having fun…" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 057

You deserved it 35 235

By rastafarimon - 17/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 179

You deserved it 8 978

By a - 21/05/2009 19:18 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 050

You deserved it 49 653

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 763

Next

Top comments

LukeFree 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

The force is strong with this one.....

IndiRae 9

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

You deserve it for calling it a Star Wars sword.

Comments

KiddFlash 0

Friday 12 August 2011 2:16

May the force be wit u lmao

Bonghittinglover 3

Friday 12 August 2011 2:20

The question now is, did you enjoy it?

Chrispayne 4

Friday 12 August 2011 2:21

So is op guy or girl?

Quagmire_ladies 9

Friday 12 August 2011 2:26

Did you interchange between the red and blue light sabres to simulate K&Y's Fire & Ice?...

harrieslinger 17

Friday 12 August 2011 2:26

I kinda hoped your little brother walked in, pulled the lightsaber out while screaming: WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY LIGHTSABER YOU RETARDED B*TCH? AND SINCE WHEN DOES THE FORCE FEEL "*******" WET?

FMLEveryday235 4

Friday 12 August 2011 2:30

Sword? SWORD? It's a ******* lightsaber. You are a disgrace to the I-**********-WITH-STAR-WARS community.

omgwtftoni 0

Friday 12 August 2011 2:38

You're the biggest loser I've ever come in contact with. Buy shit on amazon or online in general you ******* 5 year old.

sexy_geek 5

Friday 12 August 2011 2:54

When u realize everyone else is in there for the same thing u will no longer be embarassed. Grow up and stop being a wuss.

sueannpalma 7

Friday 12 August 2011 3:37

try a hair brush

beklyon 7

Friday 12 August 2011 4:00

Buy online OP! I got several from England that arrive in a plain unmarked brown box.

12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21

Keywords

Love Friends Awkward Miscellaneous Haircut Cute Relatable You're fired Work Cars Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Am I overreacting? Sex Intimacy Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, my company told me that they refuse to buy me new safety footwear without a doctor's note, because my shoe size is three sizes smaller than the minimum size my company provides. I actually have to get my doctor to prove my shoe size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 524

You deserved it 1 300

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 713

The Top

Today, I realised that I wasted my teenage life just to be a parent pleaser. I'm in the final months of high school and while everyone is enjoying the last days, I'm sat here being a "good" son, listening to my parents argue, maybe divorcing. I'm in tears and can't go out as I'm not invited to anything anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 202

Today, I came home to find my parents wearing Santa hats and blasting Christmas music at full volume. So begins three months of hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 940

You deserved it 4 430

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 652

You deserved it 3 254

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 726

You deserved it 4 147

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 465

You deserved it 4 677

Today, my son thinks that we’re becoming a dictatorship with a tyrannical government, all because "Kanye West is being attacked for exercising his first amendment rights." I had to explain to him that hate speech is inappropriate, no matter what the Bill of Rights says. He replied, “Facts over feelings.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 861