Intimacy: Use the force - FML

Use the force

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Spicy

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 133

You deserved it 56 902

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Same thing different taste

Get it where you can

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Spicy

Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 353

He knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

By padmelover - 27/08/2022 22:00

Today, my dad said I need to stop playing with toys and threw my lightsaber out of the window. It was a replica of the Lightsaber used by Mark Hamill, made from the same type handle from a 1970s camera, just like the film prop. It was over 40 years-old and worth thousands. Not anymore, as it's now scratched and in two pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 203

By Anonymous - 09/03/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 768

You deserved it 7 946

One size fits all

By Anonymous - 18/06/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, I bought an electric sex toy to make masturbating more interesting. My penis wasn’t long enough to reach the moving massaging parts on the inside, and just pathetically rested a few inches inside the opening. I could call it a bad design but I’d be lying, I just have a small dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 925

You deserved it 318

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 475

You deserved it 7 481

War drums

By Taylor - 30/07/2011 05:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend started singing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 234

You deserved it 10 684

I think we're alone now

By lopez - 16/12/2008 03:58 - France

Spicy

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden, I heard a familiar voice, saying, "At least someone's having fun…" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 057

You deserved it 35 235

By rastafarimon - 17/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 179

You deserved it 8 978

By a - 21/05/2009 19:18 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 050

You deserved it 49 653

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 763

Next

Top comments

LukeFree 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

The force is strong with this one.....

IndiRae 9

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

You deserve it for calling it a Star Wars sword.

Comments

amrambler89 1

Friday 12 August 2011 4:03

can I suggest an electric toothbrush it works just as good op

amrambler89 1

Friday 12 August 2011 4:07

I would suggest an electric toothbrush it works just as good

teh_uber_muffin 3

Friday 12 August 2011 4:19

lightsabre, you mean.

58s 0

Friday 12 August 2011 4:40

Did it glow in the dark ?

Alrico 1

Friday 12 August 2011 4:41

OP, if it's that embarrassing, just make a paypal account and order one online. They won't ship it out saying what it is on the box if you ask them to make it discrete. If you live with others, just make sure they don't rummage through your mail if you're not home.

wilsonchewy 0

Friday 12 August 2011 4:54

Very kinky it's turning me on

giants1234 0

Friday 12 August 2011 5:12

it's called online shopping.

corleon198425 22

Friday 12 August 2011 5:26

I was wondering where it went......

blackspectrum69 0

Friday 12 August 2011 5:33

It's a light saber >:( lol

Ph03n1x1369 2

Friday 12 August 2011 5:35

Maybe the force be with you !!???

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The Top

Today, a field engineer decided to rework everyone's schedule, just because he couldn't be bothered to do a full day's work. Now two of us who would've been busy all day are sat on our phones, and he's off out on "errands". How a day goes depends on how bothered he can be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 81

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 539

You deserved it 51 165

The Top

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 474

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 761

Today, I found out that the sleeping mask I'd been using for months was actually part of a BDSM kit. I found the rest of it in my dad's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 407

You deserved it 1 258

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to see me and told me that he had a surprise for me. I was excited at the idea of a romantic gesture, but forgot about it until he arrived and things began heating up. As I was removing his pants, I said, "Ooh, you shaved!" to which he replied, "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 741

You deserved it 4 595

Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 199

Today, I'm 58 years-old, and the 40 year-old woman I'm sleeping with is so tight that she "spits me out" every time she has an orgasm. I have to work it back in at least 5 times every time we get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 338