Intimacy: Vicariously - FML

Vicariously

By Cate - 05/11/2009 10:25 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I've had no sleep. Why? Because my housemate has a new girlfriend and the walls are too thin. After round three of them shagging, I was exhausted from holding my breath each time the new girlfriend screamed. I also realised that was the closest I'd been to sex in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 568

You deserved it 3 411

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Same thing different taste

By SleeplessInSoCal - 09/08/2010 06:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I couldn't fall asleep till 3am and was woken approximately every hour or so. Why? I found out my new upstairs neighbors have a very active love life. She's a screamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 087

You deserved it 3 304

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 16:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 847

You deserved it 2 434

We can tell

By Mkimmi - 12/02/2015 07:39 - United States - State College

Spicy

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 316

You deserved it 3 722

By SleepyKirsty - 09/06/2009 13:36 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 755

You deserved it 5 718

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 814

You deserved it 12 089

By Lisa - 11/08/2018 03:30

Today, I slept with a friend who always bitches about how he can't keep a girlfriend. When he finished within 3 minutes I understood why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 096

You deserved it 967

By Scholar - 05/09/2012 16:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 462

You deserved it 3 952

By Buzzie - 02/09/2010 21:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 566

You deserved it 14 375

Quiet please

By mute - 16/04/2016 00:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 081

You deserved it 3 553

Nice

By Username - 07/08/2011 08:08 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, after being kept awake all night by my house-mate and his girlfriend, they woke me at the crack of dawn to apologize for being so loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 376

You deserved it 2 615

Next

Top comments

Pointy130 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 16:44

And you held your breath WHY?

Jmido 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 16:24

Make a threesome, problem solved. Or you can go out and find a gf.

Comments

afarr 0

Monday 25 January 2010 2:48

chuck them out, you dont want no chlymidia!

1400steven 0

Friday 13 August 2010 6:40

Haha, shag.

angelmonkey 0

Sunday 13 March 2011 0:55

wow i agree with #1 nd loserr

mikelovesbubes 0

Monday 27 June 2011 9:18

penis

allynicole4 1

Monday 30 January 2012 19:06

Join them lol

sammyluvspugs 4

Wednesday 23 May 2012 13:49

That is grody. You could easily listen to music to drown it out.

cwl727 32

Monday 7 April 2014 21:25

Why did you hold your breath

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I got into an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling me enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 670

You deserved it 4 364

Today, I wanted to show my friends my cat’s “high-five” trick. I held out my hand, and instead of a high-five, my cat scratched and bit me instead. I yelped, and my friends burst into laughter. I had to bandage my hand, all whilst they joked about “cat training.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 375

The Top

Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 802

You deserved it 2 178

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 023

You deserved it 11 607

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 708

You deserved it 47 462

Today, I'm apparently on a "thinking ban." My wife and kids have banned me from starting any sentence with, “I think“ because it always leads to some sort of disaster, or accident, or expensive mistake, etc. So I'm no longer allowed to think because me thinking is dangerous for everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 847

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 951

You deserved it 6 408

Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 508

You deserved it 2 970