Miscellaneous: Weaponised chocolate

Weaponised chocolate

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 04:46 - Australia

Today, I was doing photography, and decided to climb onto the roof of a building to photograph the city. I dropped a square of chocolate over the edge just to appreciate the height. Apparently, somebody saw me. I was arrested and am now being charged for trespassing and firing missiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 090

You deserved it 28 213

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Trigger happy

By Anonymous - 13/06/2020 05:00

Today, I was shot and arrested for trespassing. I'm a firefighter and I was saving a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 394

You deserved it 118

Give it back

By psycho - 16/02/2022 19:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was on my patio trying to take photos of the amazing sunset. My phone slipped out of my hands and landed on my downstairs neighbor’s patio. When I asked for it back, they slammed the door in my face. I tried to climb over and get it myself. They called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 184

By Anonymous - 15/08/2011 02:39 - Reserved

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 046

You deserved it 7 026

Get off my lawn!

By Anonymous - 29/08/2020 14:09

Today, the police came to my house and arrested me. Why? The neighborhood kids thought it would be fun to hide behind my house and shoot at people with paintball guns. People saw it coming from my house and called the police. I was fired from work, due to missing it without notice. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 113

You deserved it 109

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 06:00

Today, after I was locked out of my apartment, I went down the leaf-filled ravine behind the building to get to the fire escape ladder, climbed up four stories and over the balcony, then wiggled through the window on my stomach onto the living room floor. Now I'm back inside and paranoid about robbers doing the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 220

He hath risen

By Anonymous - 09/04/2023 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the grocery store when I tripped and knocked over a tower of Easter chocolate. The sound was so loud that everyone in the store stopped and stared at me while I tried to rearrange the chocolate bells, bunnies, and eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 26/07/2012 10:42 - Australia

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 418

You deserved it 2 707

Kinda sus

By Anonymous - 08/03/2017 09:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the new security guard of my apartment building tackled me for "suspicious behavior" while I was taking a bag full of dirty kitty litter to the trash chute. He broke my arm and cause the trash bag to explode. When I got back from the hospital, I was fined for littering in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 927

You deserved it 306

You're not the boss of me

By crazydog - 10/06/2011 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 662

You deserved it 4 187

By PsychoSarah - 06/04/2011 23:57 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. I caught a customer taking pictures up my skirt, and my boss fired me for calling the police and "making a big deal out of it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 670

You deserved it 7 256

Mirorbo 26

Thursday 18 November 2010 9:05

...wtf? Seriously, darling...trespassing I understand. But firing missiles? What?

JizzKhalifa 0

Thursday 18 November 2010 9:14

throwing a square of chocolate off a building lol maybe a red squirrel can eat some when it's low on health

Comments

Drclino 0

Friday 19 November 2010 2:33

perhaps "firing missiles" is some sort of euphemism for public defacation???

andacondakiwi 11

Friday 19 November 2010 2:41

that be great if I were standing right below the building and the chocolate just landed in my hand, that'd make my day.

ownitx3 0

Friday 19 November 2010 3:02

it's not nice to fire missiles.

dumbfunk29 0

Friday 19 November 2010 3:41

wth???

DeathHead 0

Friday 19 November 2010 3:42

SELECTIVE BREEDING should be enforced.

savvy_suzy 0

Friday 19 November 2010 3:51

No, it can. If I look up mouth open looking to see what is going on and said piece flies in my mouth it could cause sufficient damage to be fatal.

chase929 0

Friday 19 November 2010 5:11

probaly some kid who plays call of duty with no life

Midget9 0

Friday 19 November 2010 6:03

Was it Tay Zonday that turned you in?

iTVrobot 0

Friday 19 November 2010 6:24

this sounds really fake......

MustangGirL 0

Friday 19 November 2010 6:35

Poor ants :(

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 412

Today, I brought home my new boyfriend, who happens to have an eyepatch. Despite repeatedly telling them not to, even threatening punishment, my daughters, ages 9 and 11, would not stop calling him "Cyclops." He’s mad at me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 365

The Top

Today, I saw what I thought was a gallon jug of water. Trying to do something spontaneous and fun, I took my hardest swing at it to see how far I could kick it. It was frozen solid. I broke my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 402

You deserved it 43 940

Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 466

You deserved it 4 815

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 974

You deserved it 14 358

Today, where I live in Germany, you're supposed to be quiet between noon and 3 p.m., so people have a chance to take a nap or just eat lunch in peace, but 3 of my 4 neighbors seem to consider this the ideal time for any project that involves lawn-mowers and power tools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 236

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 034

You deserved it 4 181

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 071

You deserved it 3 716

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Comments