Sex, Wanker and Intimacy: WTF dude?

WTF dude?

By lunarstrain - 08/11/2011 06:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 143

You deserved it 8 543

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Same thing different taste

Holes

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 00:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 953

You deserved it 5 421

By Juiced - 26/09/2012 18:46 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 528

You deserved it 3 384

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 601

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 810

You deserved it 8 834

What the…

By bunny - 16/08/2009 13:58 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 342

You deserved it 5 007

By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 183

You deserved it 32 498

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 569

You deserved it 5 722

Hard to believe

By Anonymous - 02/01/2020 18:00

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 375

You deserved it 579

By jessica - 02/02/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 363

You deserved it 7 467

By GoldenTornado11 - 10/05/2017 14:00

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 142

You deserved it 559

alexm501 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:05

Hopefully it wasn't a banana

KennKenn 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:04

At least it wasn't apple pie.

Comments

dinosaurfeces 4

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:33

Orange you going to help him?

DanGleesak 11

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:10

Hi-C what you did there.

fo_86 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 16:23

Bahaha!!!

Fatalist_ 2

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:39

You'r probably doing something wrong...

dave04045 1

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:43

was it a cantaloupe

MissMae93 23

Tuesday 8 November 2011 15:04

Honestly...? It's a fruit.

Evan2297 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:50

American fruit 2.

Stoneyyay 5

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:52

made me lol. tomato perhaps? or some type of gorde? i know on rotten dot com there pics of ppl sexing pumpkins

salsa324 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:53

How was ur sex

Tara_74656 7

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:58

if he's porking produce.. not good i imagine.

MySpleenItches 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:57

U jelly?

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:02

Oh, Honey, looks like you need to step up your game.

Kate1453 6

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:03

What the hell!!!!!!

cuppycakeslove 20

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:11

Passion fruit.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Health Covid Cheating Jealousy Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 137

You deserved it 4 976

Today, the girl I love who friendzoned me called to talk. She shared the marvelous things she'd done for her friend's birthday, then said, "You had a recent birthday too." Then she laughed. We'd talked multiple times without her mentioning my birthday. She ignored it on Facebook. Time for no contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 194

The Top

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 637

You deserved it 3 545

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had barfed all over my laptop's keyboard and screen, filling each nook and cranny of the stuff. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to make coffee to deal with the stress, I found that I was out of coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 210

Today, I walked into my room to find my roommate's boyfriend trying on one of my pink, lacy bras. My roommate then yelled at me for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 247

You deserved it 3 053

Today, in a serious bid to lose weight, I’ve changed my lifestyle, including throwing away the 20-odd takeaway menus we keep in the kitchen. It’s only been two hours and we’ve already had five new menus from local takeaways delivered through the letterbox. Why, Universe, why do you wish me to stay fat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 343

Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature, and that we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay, he made my kids cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 347

Today, I was supposed to attend my best friend's funeral. When I asked my boss for time off, she actually said friends don't justify having the day off, unlike say a blood relative. My boss is autistic, so she struggles to understand certain things, but even for her that was a real prick thing to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 839

You deserved it 300