Kids: You're under arrest

You're under arrest

By poo_shoe123 - 31/03/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 623

You deserved it 10 233

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Same thing different taste

By hfs palm - 21/06/2015 21:37 - United States

Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 647

You deserved it 2 550

Reported!

By thatcreepyteacher - 17/02/2016 04:27 - United States - Mchenry

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 847

You deserved it 1 438

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 04:44 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 861

You deserved it 2 519

By ihateteenagers - 30/12/2010 02:12 - United States

Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 577

You deserved it 10 080

By notthatkinkyanyway - 13/11/2011 12:46 - China

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 539

You deserved it 6 400

What's your emergency?

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 23:00

Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 318

Temper tantrum

By "QueenCortana Tiffany Turner" - 07/02/2020 14:00

Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 341

You deserved it 299

By Jay - 04/11/2017 04:00

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 293

You deserved it 365

Mad lad

By Bob H. - 26/10/2014 13:54 - Canada - Québec

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 866

You deserved it 5 425

By swarm20 - 05/02/2013 05:24 - United States - Mankato

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 503

You deserved it 52 408

13BlackCat 2

Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:44

why that is the first thing that came to his teacher's mind i don't know. my first thought was cop. i think the teacher has his or her mind in the gutter

shorgenfunkel 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:49

Go to the school in uniform.

Comments

justinsbaby291 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 2:02

you should go in wearing ur uniform and say uhh i am a cop

alotta_fachina 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 5:24

hard to believe someone with the username "poo_shoe123" is a cop.

deja54 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 6:48

Yeah, sounds like the teacher was an idiot. Any handcuffs that can't be opened by someone who has half a brain are not sex toys.

Athanatos_fml 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 11:03

So the idiot actually hadcuffed himself to his desk thinking it was a sex toy, and YOU feel bad about it? The guy just had the EPIC FAIL of his life!

Athanatos_fml 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 11:06

Okay, on retrospect you probably meant your son handcuffed himself to9 the table... oooo-kay. Then I have to say YLIF

beatleschick 0

Monday 6 April 2009 22:03

If my kid's teacher made an assumption like that, I would be writing to the headmaster. If a teacher talks to a parent like that, she needs to learn some respect. I would probably pull my kid out of that class because the teacher seems like such a btcih! If the teacher jumps to conclusions like that, I don't think she is fit to be teaching 9 year olds

yesbutnotyou 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 17:56

next time show up in your uniform, then arrest her for something. that's what I'd do.

ZuRG_fml 7

Wednesday 8 April 2009 20:44

#138, metal handcuffs are actually a bad idea to use for serious play because they're hard on the wrists. To fix this issue in sex play, there are comfy cuffs: leather wrist straps that are adjustable like a belt, with a chain between them. So they're still secure but won't tear up your wrists or even leave any awkward marks. I have metal cuffs but they're 95% psychological. When I actually want to restrain a partner, I have a 10m nylon rope. (That's even enough for a body harness, if one were so inclined.)

dallas22 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 23:52

Well, at least you have a good excuse for the handcuffs. Who knows, in a couple of days we may get one saying "I accidently told one of my student's parents off for leaving their sex toys around. It turns out he's a cop".