Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used...

By Juiced - 26/09/2012 18:46 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 529

You deserved it 3 385

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Same thing different taste

WTF dude?

By lunarstrain - 08/11/2011 06:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 143

You deserved it 8 543

Oh, so cute

By Anonymous - 10/04/2013 04:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 969

You deserved it 13 223

By Pissedoff777 - 12/08/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 400

You deserved it 7 889

Good one

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 307

You deserved it 4 391

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 814

You deserved it 8 834

By Lucachoo - 26/07/2015 00:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go on a date with me tomorrow. His reaction was to pick up a banana and pretend that he was in the middle of a phone call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 378

You deserved it 2 649

By Anonymous - 20/09/2009 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend meeting all of his friends for the first time. My boyfriend went into the kitchen to get me a drink, and after ten minutes I went looking for him. I discovered his friend holding two melons to his chest, mid explanation on how they look exactly like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 080

You deserved it 6 600

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 315

You deserved it 5 136

Bad timing

By oh no - 29/01/2013 14:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 495

You deserved it 3 465

Say yes

By fuckingdonuts - 18/05/2015 02:54 - United States - Edmond

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 070

You deserved it 5 184

redhedsaysrawr 18

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:09

Your love life sounds like something from a TV show...

DomDomxoxo 16

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:10

Maybe he wants to eat it off your lady-parts (:

Comments

redhedsaysrawr 18

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:09

Your love life sounds like something from a TV show...

mooleelee 0

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:29

Let the puns commence!

RaggleFrock 13

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:36

He was getting fruity with you for sure.

RaggleFrock 13

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:36

He was getting fruity with you for sure.

ghirahim 5

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:11

He wanted to put his banana in your avocado and make some juice!...no? Okay...back to my hole.

Snazzy_Snaz 17

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:30

He wanted to peel you to reveal what's hiding underneath.

JustDerpin 11

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:32

Maybe this is the same OP from the FML when OP's boyfriend just wanted to cuddle

perdix 29

Thursday 27 September 2012 5:13

Every time you have an ******, he says, "But, wait, there's more!"

Welshite 39

Thursday 27 September 2012 5:44

Old FML reference. Kudos And that's not all; it slices AND it dices. ;) Edit: Ugh, that was pretty weak.

BeachBoi_Alex 7

Thursday 27 September 2012 13:47

Sounds like he's the fruit :S

Karalela44 15

Thursday 27 September 2012 21:12

Lol and they did xD

weownthenightsom 4

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:09

...and?

DomDomxoxo 16

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:10

Maybe he wants to eat it off your lady-parts (:

ihatethesenamez 6

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:20

There will always be sex but will there always be juicers?

boating_guy 33

Thursday 27 September 2012 3:00

yeah...I've heard mangos are a good choice. just saying ;)

KrazieKleo 13

Thursday 27 September 2012 3:35

Mangoes?? I was thinking melons, bananas, cucumbers and such fruits.

YourBuddyElmo 5

Thursday 27 September 2012 5:29

Good for smoothies, bad for dry-humping?

PipingMouse 14

Thursday 27 September 2012 14:34

Mangoes? That shit burns!

_Could_Be_Worse 11

Tuesday 26 May 2015 21:50

No, that's a bad idea, because the sugar in the fruit can cause a yeast infection.

GothickNihilist 15

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:10

Was it a Jack LaLaine juicer? If so it's totally worth it!

walmartpaysme 15

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:12

Hmm, well they say there's a fetish for everything. Maybe he really really likes fruit.

greenie213 23

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:13

Get him a bunch of tomatoes.

DKjazz 20

Thursday 27 September 2012 2:46

Ooh homemade V8. Very interesting.

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

Friday 28 September 2012 3:30

Tomato Fruit or Veggie

IAmJad 18

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:14

Fruit fetish.

RaveBlade 4

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:14

Let him be with his fantasies then :)

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:14

Some people have foot fetishes. Others like fruit. Do bananas turn you on?

TheOrangeProon 13

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:46

No, bananas just make me feel inadequate... ):

tmaq973 7

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:04

Your picture makes you look like you are truly saddened by bananas. +1 to you!

Welshite 39

Thursday 27 September 2012 0:14

Make him juice beets. I've heard they're good for stamina. ;)

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 47 339

You deserved it 19 748

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 60 051

You deserved it 3 695

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I agree, your life sucks 28 686

You deserved it 10 038

Today, after reading about seduction techniques, I wore shades and a brightly colored shirt to a club to attract female attention. However, the sunglasses rendered me almost blind, and I tripped over a step, crashed into tables, and thanks to the shirt, everyone saw it happen in glorious technicolor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 240

You deserved it 45 766

Today, my roommate finally moved out yesterday, so I got to experience my first night without the ticking time bomb that is his dogs. I still woke up at the exact time when they would always bark for no reason, apparently out of habit. For the record, that time is around 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 99

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 570

You deserved it 2 888

Today, after I was away for a couple of days, my wife told me she’s been doing laundry while I was gone. I'd reminded her to clean out the lint catcher because it might catch fire. I came home to a new dryer and a smoke damaged house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 110

Same thing different taste

WTF dude?

Oh, so cute

Good one

Bad timing

Say yes

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