By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 21:34 - Netherlands - Tilburg

Spicy
Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML
I agree, your life sucks 39 483
You deserved it 4 671

Same thing different taste

Top comments

iShanny 13

Easy fix. Memorize it and recite it for her. Boom! Pregnant. Bonus points if you do it in another language!

JJJJJakkkkeee 6

Are you sure it wasn't a copy of 50 Shades of Grey with the cover of War and Peace on it?

Comments

iShanny 13

Easy fix. Memorize it and recite it for her. Boom! Pregnant. Bonus points if you do it in another language!

unknown_user5566 26

Isn't War and Peace an extremely long book? If OP could memorize it, he would deserve sex solely based on the effort that would require.

At about 587K words, it's listed as one of the ten longest novels in history. For a bit of perspective, that's all three Lord of the Rings plus the Hobbit and then some.

Like on thanksgiving we all learned how much food we can shove down our face before we hate ourselves, and if you don't (excluding people from countries that do not celebrate thanksgiving), you weren't doing thanksgiving right!

1- Boom. Pregnant?? Why pregnant? Sounds like OP just wants to get laid.

KaeporaGaebora 4

“In order to understand, observe, deduce, man must first be conscious of himself as alive.” -Leo Tolstoy

80 - If you are having trouble deciding whether or not you are alive, I would have to agree with the quote, and put off trying to seduce anybody.

jacquesromualdez 12

Maybe she likes violence. If you know what I mean.

fmmfl1993 1

71-because it was a joke and it was quick, rolls off the tongue, and is just funnier than saying BOOM! Had sex with a person.

104- stop following me around FML. I know what a joke is.

13 - My name is Natalie and I speak in two fluent languages

110- I'm not following you, you just make shitty comments and leave them everywhere I go. Your comments piss me off in a way nobody else's do, and I'm not the only one

The Lord of the Rings books were all written in one mega book it was supposed to be the first modern English epic. So to classify them as a series is okay but not correct.

Venister 11

My name is bob and I have been off meth for 10 minutes...

It is listed as the 20th longest novel in the world.

There's a battle going on down there and apparently your ammunition isn't good enough... Sorry OP

megapeyt 17

Russians are sexy. Maybe you should try some role-play?

LiterOfCola 16

*3 is thumbed down by non-russian citizens around the globe*

Their accents and women are sexy. We all know most Russian dudes got epically ****** in the aesthetics department. No win here.

Exactly. Take Viktor the soviet news reader. Hes a "very unattractive man".

Hey!! Nothin wrong with Russians...my family are not model looking, but they are not ugly

94- then I shall put more emphasis on the word 'most' sir. Most people are biased when it comes to their family, so I'm going on your picture since I already said 'most'. I can't really argue against my first statement. My family doesn't breed bad-looking people either, however there are only a handful I would brag about.

JerryH 9

True, there are a lot of ugly russians but some russian males are pretty good looking, no ****

It's ignorant to call most of the male population of a country that spans two continents "lacking" in any department. I was trying to draw and analogy, but I can't think of one without sounding like a racist asshole.

JJJJJakkkkeee 6

Are you sure it wasn't a copy of 50 Shades of Grey with the cover of War and Peace on it?

There was bound to be joke about 50 Shades Of Grey. But all the puns about that are going to gag me if they don't stop.

Shadow_Phantom 26

That's what I was thinking... probably a book hidden behind that book.

unknown_user5566 26

5- I think your pun skills need to be whipped into shape, as that one was sub-par.

I think your wife got confused. It's bury your nose in your book . . . .

Well, a strapping young lad like the OP deserves more than that.

StalkerChick 13

17- Right. I didn't even realize that was meant to be a pun. That's how bad it was..

Did you realize that 17 slapped down a slightly better pun, stalkerchick?

decidedlyvague 11
kotana191 8

if you want something done right ya got to do it yourself:)

Allornone 35

It's official- Tolstoy has more game than you.

It's time to begin a new chapter in your life: To avoid a battle with your wife, book a room at a hotel for a romantic getaway. Finger through some travel catalogs if you need to.

sammisweets93 12

I dunno about you, but **** makes my problem worse. Seriously I'm already missing out on sex, so now I have to watch someone else? Ugh **** that lol

sammisweets93 12

It's a joke ;) to get back at his wife. Not really like solve ur problem of not getting sex.

Actually she did want sex, that's why she's fingering herself. Apparently she just doesn't want it with OP.

**** only helps for so long. Not sure about most women, but I'd rather hop on my guy than a **** site.

sammisweets93 12

Omfg I give up I'm not saying **** solves everything....it's a joke I'm not saying it literal

boredblonde 17

Maybe she just didn't want your fat, slobbering body all over her

krylonpony 3

Whoa, whoa, slow down blondie! Someone is jumpin' to conclusions. Don't you have some beers to serve?

That's a pretty large leap in logic to make there from a handful of words. For all you know dude could be built like a marathon runner.

honeybadgerr 9

10-That is a very superficial and shallow comment young lady. First of all we have no idea what OP's actual weight is.. And even if we did why would that matter? Secondly, OP is talking about his wife.. So obviously she loves him or she wouldn't have married him. Most importantly though, I want you to know that real love goes deeper than appearances.

50% marriages fail. Not sure what you are talking about.

honeybadgerr 9

Jeesh y'all be looking at the glass half empty! Life is gonna suck with that attitude

LOL at #10. The rest of you should stop getting your panties in a bunch.

wow ok even if op were fat, that would be ****** up. but fact of the matter is that we have no clue what op looks like and never will.

10- you sound like a ****. Regardless, there is obviously an issue with the marriage if OP's wife would rather do it herself. Maybe OP is just bad in the sack. That could have easily led to this situation.

unknown_user5566 26

If your wife prefers taking care of herself versus you rockin' her world, you're probably doing something wrong. Take the time to talk to her and see what she's missing in your love life; if you take the extra time to show you care, I can almost guarantee you'll be getting lucky more often.

except if she asks him to sift through war and peace for those chapters that get her all hot and bothered.

I agree it's likely that he does something wrong, but not necessarily. Maybe she wasn't in the mood for intimacy, but still wanted some stress relieving comfort. Masturbation isn't just a poor substitution for sex.