Intimacy: The Great Pretender

The Great Pretender

By CJune24 - 22/10/2014 21:24 - United Kingdom - Huddersfield

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 539

You deserved it 5 452

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Same thing different taste

By anon - 27/07/2015 04:43 - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 551

You deserved it 5 948

Worn out

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 16:09 - Canada

Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 912

You deserved it 5 986

Cool moves, bro

By Anonymous - 30/06/2012 09:45

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 365

You deserved it 5 692

You tried!

By Noname - 15/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 945

You deserved it 50 950

Snooze fest

By Karly - 03/02/2022 20:00

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while still giving me oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 238

By Anonymous - 18/04/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 616

You deserved it 8 230

Relaxed

By sarabellekitty - 21/10/2019 04:00

Today, I was having really great sex with my boyfriend. I was on top and he seemed like he was really enjoying it. Then, I realized he'd fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 353

Kinky

By 9gingerface66 - 15/01/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 864

You deserved it 4 680

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 563

You deserved it 6 832

By Wow - 11/04/2013 12:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 253

You deserved it 19 307

Gabilliam 19

Thursday 23 October 2014 9:57

"I mounted him" I don't know why I'm laughing at this

LennyComa 39

Thursday 23 October 2014 9:55

That Sucks, but maybe he was really tired and didn't feel like having sex. It's unlikely but not unheard of.

Comments

Clmrt 4

Thursday 23 October 2014 9:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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sayyestothedress 24

Thursday 23 October 2014 22:17

You comment is an epic fail

beserker81 12

Thursday 23 October 2014 23:09

So ironic that you spelt that wrong

sayyestothedress 24

Friday 24 October 2014 23:19

#36 oh shit! My bad! *down votes self*

LennyComa 39

Thursday 23 October 2014 9:55

That Sucks, but maybe he was really tired and didn't feel like having sex. It's unlikely but not unheard of.

GigaPudding_fml 24

Thursday 23 October 2014 14:09

I think OP's boyfriend would have been more successful in telling her "no, not now. I'm tired" rather than pushing her off the bed. If his mission wasn't to make her stop taking initiatives of course. Then he's probably very successful.

allloveprevails 9

Thursday 23 October 2014 9:56

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

slyde32 12

Thursday 23 October 2014 14:27

so she should never initiate it? great logic, she should let him have it when he wants, but not when she wants it

Gabilliam 19

Thursday 23 October 2014 9:57

"I mounted him" I don't know why I'm laughing at this

devildog562 33

Thursday 23 October 2014 11:38

Cause it sounds like a animal planted reference? "As the female mounted her mate, he resisted by pulling a The old snoring routine. Crikey mate , look at the beast roll her off the bed in resistance!"