Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled...

By youngsamoo92 - 07/12/2016 04:32 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "We're getting Chips Ahoy after this." I came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 623

You deserved it 2 992

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By loldick - 15/11/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 934

You deserved it 23 799

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 1 782

By PTKFML - 26/07/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 809

You deserved it 7 619

By jcooh0lla - 24/07/2009 21:30 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 783

You deserved it 7 460

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 968

You deserved it 5 604

By unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 652

You deserved it 86 720

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 165

You deserved it 11 464

By Wheresthecreamfilling - 03/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 098

You deserved it 1 903

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 594

You deserved it 5 729

By Anonymous - 29/01/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - Wrexham

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 291

You deserved it 18 974

jamieawhughes 9

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:39

if this isn't relationship goals I don't know what is

Dat_Class_Tho 26

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:41

And now you know she's the one you are going to marry. I fail to see the problem.

Comments

jamieawhughes 9

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:39

if this isn't relationship goals I don't know what is

Dat_Class_Tho 26

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:41

And now you know she's the one you are going to marry. I fail to see the problem.

Costales_fml 7

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:10

I don't see the problem here. I suggest you marry her before it's too late.

NicH1799 20

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:25

I marked you deserve it, because everyone deserves cookies.

bsshooter 14

Sunday 11 December 2016 23:22

agreed number 5

TexasGirl24 15

Monday 12 December 2016 6:18

Me too XD

Seeya55 31

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:31

This is something I'd share too! Don't want to forget a great plan in the heat of the moment!

Yudith_fml 6

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:39

Chips Ahoy... (Homer drooling).

tibtak_fml 10

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:39

YDI but in a good way ;)

Frabens 1

Sunday 11 December 2016 16:34

You came for a different reason reason other than sex ;)

HighasaCloud 46

Sunday 11 December 2016 17:00

That's the joke (fml)

udderbutter 15

Sunday 11 December 2016 23:36

Are you 12?

TiggyBonkers 32

Sunday 11 December 2016 17:00

Isn't this a meme?

VonBlitzkrieg 27

Monday 12 December 2016 18:48

Yes, it's the nut button meme. Was thinking the same thing.

moocowmilk0 19

Sunday 11 December 2016 17:28

I don't see what the problem is she sounds perfect

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Transportation Cars Health Awkward Dentist Love Shopping My ex Animals Cats Clothes Work Job interview Miscellaneous Weird Family Holidays Vacation Parents AITA Am I overreacting? Annoying Funerals Relatable Harassment Engagement Ironic Food Money

The Top

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the father of my kids, had been practically begging women to sleep with him throughout the duration of both pregnancies, and has also spent hundreds of dollars on OnlyFans every month. He promised to permanently delete OnlyFans three times and still hasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 583

Today, I lost yet another girlfriend because my ex tells every girl I go out with that I cheated on her. She DMs them screenshots of what I did. I know I’m no saint, but all that was 6 months ago, and it was an accident. I can’t change the past, but I can be sorry for what I did. I just can’t win in this situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 955

The Top

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 674

Today, my fiancé decided that we shouldn't have sex before we get married. Even though we've been doing it for years. We can't get married right now due to Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 188

Today, thanks to the hormone treatments for my cancer, I have gained so much weight I am now officially the punchline for “How does a fat man find his penis? With a mirror on a stick and an erection.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 159

Today, I met my girlfriend's sister and within a few hours we were in love. Seriously, personality-wise I’ve had more fun today just talking with her sister than I have for over a year dating my girlfriend, including the sex. We don’t want to cheat and hurt her sister. This sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 1 177

Today, my class had a group project. The teacher allowed people to opt to do it alone. I, an introvert with crippling social anxiety, was the only one to do it alone. I still finished before everyone else, with an A. The other students called me a "freak" and many other names, simply because I work better alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 453

You deserved it 130

Today, I was walking to the movie theatre with my boyfriend, when three guys muscled over and told us to hand over our phones. My boyfriend didn't waste any time pushing past me and running like hell, leaving me in tears and almost having a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 229

You deserved it 3 071

Same thing different taste

Fast and Furious

Smooth talker

Top comments

Comments