intimacy

Saucy

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 590

You deserved it 629

By cperagui - 19/07/2018 19:00

Today, we did icebreakers at a summer program. I'm really awkward but I got paired with a really nice guy. I noticed his right hand was very soft, so I joked, "Do you only moisturize one hand?" Then I understood. Then he understood that I understood. We're partners all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 512

You deserved it 882

By WellOops - 18/07/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend crashed his car while I was giving him road head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 9 671

By Confused lesbian - 16/07/2018 13:30 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 491

You deserved it 305

By Money Shot - 15/07/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was sunbathing by my pool, totally naked. After a while I got a boner and decided to jerk off. As I was about to finish, I rolled over to cum on the deck, but when I rolled back, my elderly neighbor yelled, "Don't do that in the open if you won’t give up the money shot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 318

You deserved it 9 172

By Anonymous - 14/07/2018 05:00

Today, my 92-year-old great-grandfather ran down the stairs in excitement, despite his severe arthritis. He told my great-grandmother that he was having the first erection in over 10 years, and grandma ordered me to leave so they could do it right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 726

You deserved it 778

Snek

By Kiki - 12/07/2018 12:30 - United States - Littleton

Today, I found out that my roommate of 4 years is sleeping with my ex of 7 years. Yesterday, she showed up to court as a witness for him and lied on the stand to try to get the protection order dropped. She's on the lease, so I have to live with this snake for 2 more months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 414

You deserved it 304

By feelsbadman - 12/07/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my crush by wishing her happy birthday when she came out of the lift. Too bad she was busy giving someone a blow job and didn’t notice me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 901

You deserved it 614

By Sorry, son! - 02/07/2018 07:24

Today, I accidentally walked in on my son giving head to his husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 800

You deserved it 2 080

G_15948832 tells us more.

G_15948832 2

Tuesday 22 May 2018 20:13

Hi, I am the person who wrote this, and I wanted to cover something up. My son and his husband were visiting me and my wife to help out with cleaning the house, so they were staying over for a bit. I didn't think to knock on his door because I thought he was alone, since he earlier told me that his husband was out to get some supplies since we were running low. Obviously I didn't think he was back yet, so hence that situation occurred. My wife thought it was hilarious, though, and she got a great kick out of it. I panicked when I wrote this without much context, and it bothered me so yup I came back. Thats it everybody

Weird family

By call me humpty - 30/06/2018 20:30

Spicy

Today, my dad knocked me down the steps while chasing my brother around the house shouting, "Get back here you pervert!" at the top of his lungs. I have a concussion and a vertebrae fracture because my dad is a religious nutjob and he caught my 22-year-old brother having premarital sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 519

You deserved it 351

I'll bite

By Loser - 29/06/2018 13:30 - United States - Winona

Today, I was skinny dipping with some cute girls from school, one of which I really like. Everything was great until I caught a fish on my own personal nightcrawler and they had to take me to the ER. I'll forever be known as "Salmon Dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 470

You deserved it 719

Not the nuggets!

By Anon - 27/06/2018 20:30

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing for 5 months over. We got some chicken nuggets, but didn’t eat because he stripped my clothes off and we started having sex. Out of nowhere, he said, "I can’t do this!" and left. He took the chicken nuggets with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 913

You deserved it 500

By Hailey - 26/06/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I had to awkwardly explain in a conference with HR, management, and my coworkers that the occasional bruises, cuts, welts, and choke marks are from consensual BDSM sex and NOT domestic violence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 623

You deserved it 3 155

Oops...

By the other woman - 26/06/2018 01:30

Spicy

Today, I found out that the guy I lost my virginity to a few months ago was in a relationship the whole time. How did I find out? His now ex-girlfriend called to yell at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 183

You deserved it 525

False Advertising

By Alex Xavier - 25/06/2018 01:30

Today, after getting married recently and my wife making a ton of promises about "things" we'd do, she admitted she won't do any of them and said I should just accept that she lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 989

You deserved it 746

Potholer

By wtfbabe - 22/06/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 789

You deserved it 572

By Anonymous - 18/06/2018 01:30

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of four years decided that the best way to break up with me was to move out of our apartment while I was at work, and then text me a video of himself having sex with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 260

You deserved it 344

By Anonymous - 17/06/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 507

You deserved it 1 040

Welcome home

By SendHelpAndBleach - 15/06/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my parents who I haven’t seen in a while. They weren’t home, but I still have a key so I let myself in. When I went to my old room to put down my bags, I was greeted by a sex swing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 693

You deserved it 1 588

By Firepussy911 - 14/06/2018 06:22

Spicy

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 913

You deserved it 518

Team spirit

By Anonymous - 12/06/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, I was sick, and decided to work from home. After coding for a few hours, I took a break, and being home alone, I watched porn. A few minutes later, I received messages from my colleagues telling me to shut it down. I had forgotten I was working on teamviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 7 552

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Cute Christmas Am I overreacting? Cats Holidays Awkward Gifts Shopping Hair Relatable Health Friends Poopoo peepee Education Money Gross Animals Cops Sex Intimacy Neighbours Smells Love Painful First Dates Grieving Social Media

The Top

Today, my husband had confessed that we couldn't go on a vacation this spring because he was out of vacation time. He took two weeks off and pretended to go to work, then came home once I'd left. Another woman? No, some stupid shit in his video game called "Runescape Leagues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 152

Today, my girlfriend is mad I won’t indulge her “Sleeping Beauty” fantasy. She doesn’t want me to just kiss her, she wants me to full on fuck her. Call me crazy but I just can’t get it up for a passed out person. Yes it’s consensual, but it just feels uncomfortable. She doesn’t get why I’m not into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 358

The Top

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 046

You deserved it 9 043

Today, I gathered the courage to participate in a class discussion. My professor laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 773

You deserved it 2 662

Today, I was sleeping after having worked 76 hours over the last week on night shift, only to be woken up by a fire alarm in the hotel I'm staying in. I rushed to put on some clothes and head out, but couldn't hide my morning wood, which would not go away. People took pictures as we were waiting to be let back inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 138

Today, at a work function, I noticed that my boss and my girlfriend kept leaving the room at the same time. Fearing the worst, I waited outside in the hallway. As soon as they went into the bathroom, I pushed my way in. Sex? Nope. They were doing lines of coke off the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 140

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 906

You deserved it 24 412

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 319

You deserved it 7 313