Love: Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend...

By wendtinmypants - 31/05/2014 15:05 - United States - Omaha

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 901

You deserved it 9 217

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Same thing different taste

Don't answer

By Anonymous - 10/11/2014 14:28 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 605

You deserved it 5 818

By ShitHappens - 24/10/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 566

You deserved it 44 724

By StinkyandStupid - 15/03/2012 17:49 - United States

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 653

You deserved it 38 131

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 646

You deserved it 2 608

Gassy

By MuteNToot - 26/02/2015 21:17

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 975

You deserved it 14 358

Blame the pooch

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 339

You deserved it 32 307

By birdisnottheword - 11/03/2015 13:55 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 936

You deserved it 8 896

Close quarters

By smellay - 14/04/2020 23:00

Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 386

By Anon - 25/08/2015 10:10 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 644

You deserved it 9 144

By CHStennis_4 - 03/09/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 313

You deserved it 3 866

TheDrifter 23

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:14

I hate when that happens. At least when I'm doing it on purpose I can fart a catchy tune.

SkyDog 9

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:28

I thought that was "shitty situation".

Comments

TheDrifter 23

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:14

I hate when that happens. At least when I'm doing it on purpose I can fart a catchy tune.

cakefete2 30

Sunday 1 June 2014 4:26

Wonderful. I'm starting a new band on FML. With your expertise, you could lead the um... wind instrument section.

91hayek 31

Sunday 1 June 2014 4:36

putting the ASS in brass.

CTMPandemonium 16

Tuesday 3 June 2014 4:49

I'm still trying to figure out how someone can butt dial with their pants down on the toilet :/ lol

PengiPou 12

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:16

Well that stinks

MRP360 14

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:20

prepare to be downvoted into oblivion

silvercamaro 22

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:25

This is the single most over used pun on FML

SkyDog 9

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:28

I thought that was "shitty situation".

Softballchick224 21

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:35

Literally.

iOceanus 18

Saturday 31 May 2014 22:46

This is just a thread of overused comments and replies--except for 11 because he was giving an example.

cakefete2 30

Sunday 1 June 2014 4:24

#11 is probably the first person I've seen use "shitty situation" without getting thumbed downed so hard their phone freezes.

xNotCreative 13

Sunday 1 June 2014 7:19

#15 Why does no one in your age-group know the definition of 'literally'?

morghandi 21

Sunday 1 June 2014 9:51

#58... I think since it was in regards to farting, literally applies...

grapefruit_hd 7

Sunday 1 June 2014 16:00

Well thats a shitty situation

KissMyAnthia200 12

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:17

Better been a damn good fart

euphoricness 28

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:01

He should fart in her mouth!

Queenie2014 11

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:05

You. Are. Sick.

zandalee 19

Sunday 1 June 2014 4:19

I'd say it was damn good! Lasted four minutes!!! :-$

grapefruit_hd 7

Sunday 1 June 2014 16:02

Good puun #44. Four For

scarman_fml 14

Sunday 1 June 2014 20:09

it's not a pun...

adkim78 17

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:18

Hey, she's gotta hear you fart eventually, right? it's not like it will damage your relationship in any way so just laugh about it

FrancesShiver 20

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:20

I will pay so much for seeing her reaction ;-;

FrancesShiver 20

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:41

Darn typos

Mynamewontfi 40

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:20

That's embarrassing, but also pretty funny. She might think it's funny too and not make a big deal out of it.

JMichael 25

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:21

Have fun explaining that one! Hopefully she's got a sense of humor and you two can laugh it off.

BadApple88 29

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:28

Everyone farts. Hopefully she finds it hilarious

maty172 14

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:29

That's a shitty situation.

Futacy 29

Sunday 1 June 2014 0:55

...Go sit in the corner.

Queenie2014 11

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:06

DIE!!!

cakefete2 30

Sunday 1 June 2014 4:31

Actually, do both. That way we don't have to haul your dead body to the corner.

glabberfasted 16

Sunday 1 June 2014 4:46

Jesus Christ. Can the mods just put in the Comments Policy to NEVER EVER ******* EVER use this, or any variation of this.

grapefruit_hd 7

Sunday 1 June 2014 16:03

Your right #44 somebody just used this and got 40 up votes

buckdharma 37

Saturday 31 May 2014 21:29

If she saves it you know you're the one op.

zandalee 19

Sunday 1 June 2014 4:22

If she saves it, it may also mean she's The One!

cakefete2 30

Sunday 1 June 2014 4:32

If she sends you one of hers in response, start saving for a nice ring.

grapefruit_hd 7

Sunday 1 June 2014 16:04

Op if she saves it as her ringtone for only your messages and calls. Your da 1

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The Top

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 869

You deserved it 3 894

Today, after 10+ years of being best friends, I finally told my best friend "I love you" while we were on the phone. To which she said, "That's OK, but…" and continued the conversation. Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much, or waited so long. We're both in happy marriages, with kids with other people now though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 925

The Top

Today, I took part in a karaoke night, and confidently chose "Man in The Mirror" by Michael Jackson, but forgot that the song has a key change. My attempt to hit the high note sounded like a cat being stepped on. I didn't survive the embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 442

Today, just like every day for the past two weeks, my mother has told me just how much she doesn't want me to move out. I, once again, have had to remind her that she isn't the one I'm trying to get away from. I'm not a fan of being repeatedly smacked with a coffee mug by my 78-year-old grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 882

You deserved it 200

Today, I was waiting in the car for my roommate to come outside so we could get to work. He was taking his sweet ass time. And there was a large wasp flying around. And I have a fear of bees. And the window refused to roll up. I sat there, frozen in fear, until he finally came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 230

Today, my boss had a lengthy and obnoxiously egocentric conversation with a colleague. After she left across the office, I stood up, looked over at my colleague, and made a sarcastic "shooting myself in the head" gesture. I saw my boss staring at me over a cubicle wall as I turned around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 885

You deserved it 21 673

Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 501

You deserved it 4 120

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 636

You deserved it 3 773

Same thing different taste

Don't answer

Thanks dad…

Gassy

Blame the pooch

Close quarters

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