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When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of Sixth Sense I…

By Anonymous - 15/03/2025 12:00 - Australia

Today, pearlescent liquid soap squirted all over my white pants while washing my hands. I have 6 more hours of work looking like I jizzed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 11

Furious

By Anonymous - 14/03/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, my husband woke me up by sending me a picture of a guy I used to semi-see. The same night my boyfriend sent me a furious text asking why I didn’t tell him I’m married, because my husband has found his Instagram and was harassing him online. Like, leave me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 297

A night to remember

By Anonymous - 14/03/2025 22:00 - Australia

Today, I planned to propose to my girlfriend in front of her family at dinner. I had the ring ready and got down on one knee. She immediately burst into laughter and said, "Are you kidding?" The family stared in silence, and I quickly realised she was just teasing me... until I stood up and knocked over an entire table of drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 34

Proof

By George Saunders - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 111

You deserved it 53 818

Mystery

By Gary - 14/03/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wallsend

Today, I was pulled into an office by the head of my college department. I was told that I was “making someone uncomfortable” but refused to elaborate on who it was, or what I’d done wrong. How am I supposed to fix a problem if I don’t know what the problem is? FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 44

Another betrayal

By Anonymous - 14/03/2025 07:00 - United States - Niles

Today, I found out that my fiance has been cheating on me. We have an 8 month-old baby together. I've been trying to help him get sober again and have done my best to be a great partner, but apparently some other girl is more important than the family he was creating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 70

Slapstick delivery

By KLO65 - 14/03/2025 09:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, after I ordered a large package online, it arrived with a massive dent. I called customer service to complain, but when the customer service guy asked for a photo, I went to grab my phone to take the picture. I tripped, dropped my phone, and recorded a video of me swearing loudly. I ended up sending the video along with the complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 249

Evasive

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 167

You deserved it 2 209

Keep your distance

By Gale - 14/03/2025 03:00 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, I went in for a hug with my friend, but she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek at the same time. What followed was a full-on awkward face collision where I ended up kissing her on the lips. We both stood there, staring at each other before I muttered, “Sorry, gross." She really took it personally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 324

Stick to grasping at straws

By Anonymous - 14/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I heroically caught a falling cup of coffee that I'd knocked off the counter. I thought I'd saved the day, until I realized I didn’t actually grab the cup; I'd grabbed the hot coffee directly with my bare hand. I spent the next few seconds hopping around like a maniac while everyone in the office watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 97

Are you even listening to me?

By Alison - 13/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I spent 30 minutes talking to my friend about a new show I was watching, giving all sorts of spoilers. When I finally asked, “What do you think?” she stared blankly at me and said, “I’ve never seen that show. I thought you were talking about a different one.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 302

Creepy crawly

By Anonymous - 13/03/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend misplaced her Blue Baboon Tarantula (aka Bastard Biting Thing) so I told her I wasn’t setting foot in her flat again until she found it. I then proceeded to find it myself, when I put on my motorcycle helmet. I can still feel its legs on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 63

The ball game

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of a sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 011

You deserved it 3 249

Wait, what?

By Anonymous - 13/03/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was invited to a friend's wedding. When I got there, I was surprised to see that it was a surprise wedding, meaning I wasn’t invited at all. I stood there awkwardly for an hour, until the bride's mother finally noticed me and whispered, "You're not on the guest list, are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 77

Custom job

By Anonymous - 13/03/2025 04:00 - United States - Thousand Oaks

Today, my toddler threw up on my one week old pair of white shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 171

Munchies

By Anonymous - 13/03/2025 18:00 - Australia

Today, I was munching on almonds while sitting through a long, boring Teams meeting. I was asked a question unexpectedly, causing me to choke while trying to swallow, right as I put the camera on & turned off mute. Some it sprayed out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 151

Surprise visitor

By walker - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, we've been dating for over three months, but I went over my girlfriend's house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 046

You deserved it 4 974

Romance is dead

By Dead Bedrooms, here i come - 13/03/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 96

How awkward can you get?

By Anonymous - 13/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I was entertaining my date by suggesting a movie on Netflix. I confidently picked one that I thought was new and amazing. After the first 10 minutes, I realized it was a terrible sequel to a movie I'd completely forgotten about. I spent the rest of the movie in silence, pretending I was into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 431

Rookie mistake

By George P - 12/03/2025 22:00 - Canada

Today, I went up to a cute barista at the coffee shop and told her, “You make the best coffee, like seriously, you could make a career out of it.” She gave me a weird look and responded, “I AM a barista.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 538

Waiting for that trickle down

By amused - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I looked at my bank balance. It read $1.23. That's higher than it usually is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 848

You deserved it 8 829

Friends for life

By Anonymous - 12/03/2025 10:00 - United States

Today, my longtime crush and best friend got a new girlfriend, with the same interests him and I share. Despite us being compatible in interests, he just never saw me in a romantic way. When I asked if we’re so alike, what does she have that I don’t? He said, “Trust me, you don’t want to know the answer.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 531

Toxic assholes

By Anonymous - 12/03/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard some gossip and learned I’m apparently the department weirdo everybody tolerates, but don’t actually like. It’s like high school all over again. Now, everywhere I go, I can feel my coworkers tolerating me just for being myself. I’ve already cried 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 123

Thanks Dave, good one

By tech_support - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Sweden

Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 023

You deserved it 4 606

Gushing

By Anonymous - 11/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 88

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 11/03/2025 18:00 - United States - Fox River Grove

Today, I had the abortion my husband and I agreed on, after multiple forms of birth control failed. His family somehow found out, and now they're all mad at us for not telling them I was ever pregnant, with a child we never wanted, and took precautions to avoid creating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 166

Many such cases

By Link - 11/03/2025 17:00 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, a friend was moving away, and they told me go grab their credit card. I did, and she bought me Dunkin' Donuts, then I tripped and dumped both our drinks. Into her face. I tried to say "Fuck!" and "I didn't mean to do that to you!" but ended up yelling "FUCK YOU!" in the middle of a parking lot. I never saw her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 369

Served cold

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 470

You deserved it 4 901

Irritation

By Anonymous - 11/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I have family over and even though they can see I'm stepping away to go take a shower, instead of interacting with my child who they supposedly love, they ignore her to the point where she comes crying to the bathroom door. So now I gotta move quicker? FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 164

Feeling real worked out

By Anonymous - 11/03/2025 11:00

Today, the lights went out at the gym while I was holding a heavy bar. I tried to put it back on the rack, missed, and dropped it on my toe. Then, as I was limping around in pain, I hit my head on one of the other bars on a rack at head height. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 89

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was starving and ordered pizza. They said it would take 30 minutes. When it arrived an hour later, I was so hangry, I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to leave. I grabbed the pizza box, ripped it open, and immediately dropped it face-down onto the ground. I ended up eating a slice of cold, dirt-covered pizza like a sad, defeated animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 633

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 094

You deserved it 7 693

The Top

Today, my husband managed to crash the car because he was too busy looking at an attractive girl with her leggings wedged up her ass crack, and I know he only crashed because he was looking at her, because I was in the car with him when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 108

Today, was my birthday. I purposely didn't log onto Facebook all day, so that I could read all my birthday wishes at once. When I logged on at the end of the day, I had one notification. My "friend" had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like Jabba the Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 051

You deserved it 9 472

Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit." It seems like my manager is maximizing his time like never before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 547

You deserved it 675

Today, I'm confused. My incredibly hot coworkers thought I was repulsive for the past two years, but now that they've heard through the grapevine that I'm in a serious relationship, they won't leave me alone. I can't get through the day without being hit on. I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 169

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a Segway. He still got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 019

You deserved it 9 277

Today, I tore up my airborne academy admission documents because my lab results weren't good enough. A few hours later, they called me to apologize for the misunderstanding, mine turned out to be perfect and they'd accepted me. They need me tomorrow with all the documents to finalize the admission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 221

You deserved it 42 831