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Sweep sweep

By PghSportsNation - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I awoke to my cat with micro pellets all over him. He'd destroyed a pillow containing them, and now there are thousands of these pellets throughout the entire house. My vacuum is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 871

You deserved it 4 477

By problems - 19/10/2014 03:03 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 496

You deserved it 3 052

You what now?

By tryena - 28/02/2009 10:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, I babysat a five year-old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 306

You deserved it 92 950

Freakout

By LoLWut?? nd Why?? - 16/04/2013 04:01 - United States

Today, I went to a library to return a book that I've had for years. After a heated discussion with the librarian, not only did she charge me over a hundred dollars for the book, she also called the cops to escort me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 603

You deserved it 47 675

Smoking is so cool

By Burnt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 897

You deserved it 61 546

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 15:32 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 735

You deserved it 4 617

By wayne - 07/12/2011 10:28 - New Zealand

Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 711

You deserved it 3 555

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 06:21

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 332

You deserved it 5 645

By myleghurts - 12/11/2012 06:50 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, on my way to school, I was shouted at by an obnoxious businessman for sitting down on the train when a "full fare paying passenger" was standing. I would normally have given him the seat straight away, except I have a broken leg. I showed him my leg and crutches. He still made me get up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 475

You deserved it 3 500

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 19:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, while with my new boyfriend, my ex called to tell me I needed to go to the doctor to get checked out. He had gotten an STD from the girl he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 276

You deserved it 4 138

By wishbone - 14/04/2009 20:41 - Canada

Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered, I asked who I resembled. He responded by saying that I looked exactly like Ugly Betty. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 701

You deserved it 5 658

By LG - 17/03/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I found out that I will be spending my spring break alone because my family is going to France. I can't go with them nor go with any of my friends because I have to take care of the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 664

You deserved it 4 145

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 07:44 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 300

You deserved it 4 607

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 21:27 - Canada

Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 246

You deserved it 4 660

By pathetic - 06/11/2013 13:04 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 993

You deserved it 22 596

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 07:47

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 358

You deserved it 13 762

By princessbbee - 18/08/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 784

You deserved it 7 143

By Savannah - 01/08/2011 21:20 - United States

Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 076

You deserved it 2 955

By Ieri - 12/04/2014 21:56 - Albania

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 996

You deserved it 5 664

Ieri tells us more.

Ieri 31

Sunday 13 April 2014 23:02

Hey OP here o/ Lots of these comments cracked me up, you guys are awesome xD So here's the follow up: In the end someone who saw what happened grabbed the guy and we could get the phone back (Yes, an iPhone) but he ran away, though it doesn't matter anymore. In response to the comments: 1.I didn't expect him to run after the thug just because he's male, I understand why he'd freeze up, I just didn't expect he'd start crying without saying a word and it was kinda embarrassing. 2.Yeah probably going after him wouldn't have been the safest thing to do, but caught in the spur of the moment that was all I thought to do. And calling the police wouldn't help where I am, they're practically useless -.- Calling for a robbed phone would do nothing. 3.I'm not breaking up with him just because of that, I love him, things happen, I'm not that shallow. Thanks for your comments anyway xD

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 11/03/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 698

You deserved it 3 568

Classic

By notacreeper - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was, "Does she know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 854

You deserved it 5 411

The big reveal

By yeahthatsme - 30/07/2009 20:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 931

You deserved it 29 392

By me. - 01/12/2012 14:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 565

You deserved it 7 360

By oreoblizzard619 - 25/09/2012 12:13 - United States

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 561

You deserved it 3 200

By doblex - 20/12/2012 11:19 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 387

You deserved it 9 061

By Anonymous - 02/01/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, I was stripped of my starting position on my high school basketball team. The reason? I was three minutes late to practice. Why was I late? My coach called me five minutes before practice and made me get him a coffee or else he wouldn't start me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 854

You deserved it 3 478

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 20:35 - Netherlands

Today, I told my boyfriend I wouldn't be able to get any time off work to go to Mexico with him, and that we'd have to get our tickets refunded, and reschedule. He said not to bother, and that he already had someone else in mind to take with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 693

You deserved it 5 560

By Anonymous - 05/10/2011 05:28 - United States

Today, a woman somehow managed to drop her wedding ring into the garbage at the fast food place where I work. I had to search through a full bag of half eaten food and soda to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 334

You deserved it 2 737

By rxcrs3 - 09/08/2012 06:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 034

You deserved it 2 484

By Anonymous - 09/09/2011 13:36 - United States

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 080

You deserved it 4 264

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I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 21

Today, after six months of doing the job of 2 people, because all my coworker does is sleep and sit down with her phone, I told my boss that I can't be doing my coworker's job and getting the same salary as her. My boss added just $10 to my salary and told me to let her carry on doing nothing, while I still do the work of 2 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 132

The Top

Today, I got fired after three days at my new job. They told me it was because of downsizing. They were still interviewing people and had a help wanted sign in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 32

Today, I just got done reading all the healthy benefits that come with sex. One of them is higher self-esteem. Then I remembered that I haven't had sex in 15 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 818

You deserved it 3 503

Today, while holding the door open for a stranger, I thought I was being polite. She walked through, smiled at me, and said, "Thanks, but you didn’t have to follow me into the bathroom." I hadn’t noticed the door led to the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 372

Today, I woke up, and I could see perfectly. Somehow, during the night, my eyes magically became 20/20. I was overjoyed, until I realized I'd fallen asleep with my glasses on. My eyes are still trash, and I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 587

Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 158

Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 026

You deserved it 5 783