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Nice

By wtf? - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mother compared having me as a daughter to having a deadly kind of cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 864

You deserved it 5 784

Sorry!

By Tally - 24/09/2009 16:16 - Canada

Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited, until I saw they were from a friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 863

You deserved it 2 872

By Ducati - 10/08/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 863

You deserved it 13 478

By -__- - 27/12/2013 21:49 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 863

You deserved it 4 575

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 04:40 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 861

You deserved it 3 553

It's sus to us

By inder - 25/02/2011 16:03 - United Kingdom

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 859

You deserved it 4 753

By Anonymous - 05/03/2013 05:25

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 857

You deserved it 4 755

Hello goodbye

By mydatinglifesucks - 15/06/2014 06:31 - United States

Today, I had a date with a man who works as a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder during dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 855

You deserved it 6 794

By MexyBoy - 13/08/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 853

You deserved it 6 600

By msmidnight1965 - 22/09/2013 17:22 - Canada

Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 851

You deserved it 4 882

msmidnight1965 tells us more.

msmidnight1965 12

Sunday 22 September 2013 23:27

We have those orthodontic ones that help with oral development. They also resemble the nipple during breast feeding.

Say hello, wave goodbye

By Anonymous - 11/07/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me to a movie after days of not seeing me. This long-awaited date involved me paying for food and my movie ticket when he ran out of cash again. He then dumped me as we left the theater walking to his car. Yes, I financed my own breakup date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 851

You deserved it 4 875

By stolenbike - 14/06/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 849

You deserved it 3 936

Pranked

By Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 847

You deserved it 4 496

By I don't know, son - 16/11/2013 01:53 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 846

You deserved it 4 781

Dazed and confused

By criley - 24/06/2014 01:56 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, an attractive guy approached me and struck up a conversation. He was friendly and sweet, and gave me his number. As I walked away, my first thought was that someone had played a cruel joke on me. I've had such awful relationships that I can't recognize when someone is actually being sincere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 842

You deserved it 6 540

By cantcloselegs - 20/10/2013 12:39 - United States

Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 840

You deserved it 6 168

By wnrz - 18/02/2012 20:26 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom changing. She was trying on a thong my boyfriend bought me for Valentine's Day. It looks better on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 839

You deserved it 4 836

By anonymous - 17/09/2013 17:52 - United States

Today, I was uninvited to a bachelorette party. I wouldn't really care, if the party hadn't been for me, ahead of my wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 838

You deserved it 3 965

Ouch

By lifesmells - 27/06/2009 00:29 - Canada

Today, I learned that when blender jars aren't locked, they fly off the blender, into the air, hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen. Today, I also learned that after I'm attacked by a flying blender, the first thing my boyfriend asks is if I'm still gonna make him a smoothie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 835

You deserved it 13 115

By MarcusJones713 - 08/04/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 834

You deserved it 22 678

By Z - 03/07/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 833

You deserved it 14 275

Are you listening?

By littlemissignored - 02/09/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my boyfriend and talking about how stressed out I've been because of my job. While I'm speaking, he pulls out his phone and says his boss is texting him and it was important. There was a game of Tetris reflecting onto his glasses from his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 826

You deserved it 7 139

By unknown52 - 02/12/2011 02:02 - Netherlands

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 814

You deserved it 3 775

Hangry

By emilyparker - 01/09/2014 02:55 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 807

You deserved it 5 246

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 17:18 - Czech Republic

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 807

You deserved it 3 108

Thrifty

By why - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 806

You deserved it 3 798

By Kewl_Kat - 24/07/2014 23:24 - United States - Townshend

Today, I went on a date with an extremely cute girl. About 30 minutes in, she excused herself to the restroom. I waited for about 20 minutes, then I got up and left. About 10 minutes later, she called asking where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 801

You deserved it 14 448

Kewl_Kat tells us more.

Kewl_Kat 9

Saturday 26 July 2014 1:50

UPDATE: We cleared it up, and are currently planning a second date. Turns out she wasn't feeling well. It all ended up working out c:

By Selina - 22/06/2013 22:59 - United States - Trenton

Today, my dad invited our very cute neighbor inside to introduce him to me. I was wearing pajamas and hadn't showered in two days due to being extremely sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 800

You deserved it 5 321

By StockedWithJuice - 06/07/2013 15:14 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 798

You deserved it 5 336

By unknown - 07/04/2013 04:26 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 796

You deserved it 5 323

Keywords

Love My ex Awkward Jealousy Friends AITA Embarrassing Health Poopoo peepee Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Relatable Work DIY Parenting Kids Accident Parents ADHD Medication Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, mid-sex, my wife told me to call her a nasty slut. I was kind of uncomfortable doing it, but I did it to make her horny. She started crying, because she didn’t realise how much it would hurt her feelings. Now I’m not sure if she’s mad at me or herself, but I’m scared either way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 739

You deserved it 280

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 2 452

The Top

Today, my supervisor told me to stock the bedding department, so I did all the pallets set out, with an hour to spare to clean up, only for my supervisor to bring out three more once she saw I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 117

Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 109

You deserved it 3 868

Today, I had to listen to my classmate loudly argue a question she got wrong on a test for half an hour, repeating the same incorrect argument ad nauseam. She screamed at the rightfully exasperated teacher for being "biased" when he gave up, and started screaming again when I tried to explain it in a different way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 124

Today, my boyfriend and I had a lovely dinner date. Our waitress was really sweet, so we talked about leaving her a big tip. When we got home, we discovered we both thought the other person had left it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 274

You deserved it 1 700

Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 612

You deserved it 373

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 998

You deserved it 4 195